Drama. by Slutilla

Hello World

2011-09-15T03:33:00.003+08:00

Cows are Nocturnal

Time is 3:34am

Sitting on my couch, enjoying my Kit Kat bar. This is something I picked up from my dad, and honestly there are better things to learn from the old man than late night snacking. A high calorie one if I may add.

The air is still.

I don't know what's causing it but it seems to me that tonight is different from any other night. I feel a strange discomfort, a melancholic state of mind that seems to rear its ugly head occasionally. Puzzling, but I'm guessing it's because I have had quite an exhausting week. I want to blame work, as usual, but I will not bore you with my repetitive rambling on how busy I have been (whoever you are really, coz I'm guessing this once-a-year update isn't really going to keep any reader sitting around waiting for things to happen)

Turbocharging backwards

I'm 34 this year.

Good God I'm old..

They say if you feel young at heart, age is but a number.

I do feel that way most of the time, which explains why I'm such a kid when I'm in front of my friends. But how far can one run from the reality of aging, especially in my case when the follicles disagree. Physically, all signs of aging are slowly creeping up. The regular gay man will probably dedicate a truckload of money to buy promises off the shelf to reverse every bit of what nature intended us to be. As vain as I think I am, I can't seem to put myself through all the cleansing, toning, moisturising facial regime most gay men religiously stick to. Probably I'm lazy. Probably I just don't give a damn. I suspect I'm really not that afraid of aging, that I'm really just getting all dramatic about it because gay men are just naturally expected to be afraid to age. That's a stereotypical statement for sure, but it could very well be true. That's because those who are genuinely afraid to age will never risk talking about the topic, but will quietly exhibit every sign of fear by going the distance to reverse it.

Do I have a point?

I don't. Read on.

Of nasty people

Over the years I have developed very little tolerance for nasty people.

I see no reason anymore to entertain people who are deliberately trying to work you up, and I see this ever so often at work. I used to spend sleepless night, thinking about how I can make things right when it is obviously not within my role to do so. Business is really just business. You pay the money, I provide the service. It is fair and there shall be no expectation as to how I should, apart from doing the job, make you feel like you are God's messenger from heaven above.

Of growing waistline

My oh my, how my mind is randomly throwing things at me.

Reading back the above, I can't help but cringe at how fragmented my thoughts can be at times, and how this is probably going to irritate some readers. Again, who are these imaginary readers?

Anyway, I'm typing this with my notebook nicely resting on my well padded midsection. I can point my finger at various sources for the root cause of my obesity, but I know damn well there is no one to blame but my misbehaving hands that are constantly shoving food to my face. Bad hands.

Concluding what shouldn't have started

I should be in bed, wandering through an empty space that is filled with nothing but sweet dreams. A place devoid of all issues that require anything more than half a brain to process. That would've been a lovely night rest.

Good night folks. And my most profound apology for what is possibly the strangest entry yet.

The longest time since I last blogged

2011-01-24T18:49:00.005+08:00

You know, sometimes a day will just go by without anything special or interesting to blog about. And on certain days, countless exciting things take place and you have absolutely no time to blog too, simply because when you're kept busy and happy, you don't write.

Hah.

There.

So what am I doing here today?

What else other than to share with the blogosphere what I have been up to, not that anybody cares or even read the blog haha. This is best actually, so that I can write what I have inside my head instead of trying to please the reader like what I used to do many years back when this blog was reasonably active.

Here goes:

Today is day 8 for me in Singapore. This is possibly the longest time I have ever spent in the republic and the feelings have been rather mixed.

I'm happy because I don't have to pay a cent for my 5-star accomodation.
I'm unhappy because I'm torn not being sure whether I want to be back in KL to attend to my business or to be happy here in SG.
I'm very happy because everyday I do my work with the city skyline consisting of Esplanade, The Singapore Eye, Merlion, Marina Bay Sands and The Helix bridge as my view.
I'm unhappy because I am currently dealing with some issues of the heart that a resolution is still not in sight.

So yeah. There. Happy. Unhappy. Fucked up right?

Sometimes I really wish that life's issues can be solved with any rational solution that our head can come out with. At least we can say that we are dealing with life's challenges.

But what if there's no real solution to an issue?

Like if you were to do this, then it will solve this but eventually bring about another issue?

Then you start weighing the priorities right?

What if they are both equally important?

Then i guess you are stuck in a deadlock situation.

I'm determined to get out of this deadlock, but my heart and head battle each other so much that I seriously get a migraine every single day. Top it up with some other work problem it can be a rather ugly picture.

Talking about pictures, let me share some random pictures.

view from the Esplanade

crazy expensive Japanese restaurant in Marina Bay Mall - SGD55 for 5 pieces of "PREMIUM" sushi. People who knows me know that I don't mind spending on food, but this is utter ridiculous. And the restaurant ain't that posh anyway.

View from the hotel room on Level 27.

Ah, I was soaking in the bath tub. Got bored. Took a pic. Period.

Another shot of the Marina Bay Sands Hotel from the Esplanade.

Back from Bangkok

2010-12-20T16:37:00.003+08:00

Back from bangkok at 12am and only managed to reach home around 3am.

We went out for dim sum for a bit before zoning out, marking the end of probably the best Bangkok trip ever :)

I now declare that Siam Paragon's Gourmet Market sells the best durian sticky rice!

It was so good I couldn't switch my mouth from muttering words of praises and chewing at the same time. It was chaotic to say the least.

I totally stuffed my face silly.

And I hereby also declare my undying love for Dean & Deluca (http://www.deandeluca.com) for serving crazy fabulous food, which is rather expensive by Bangkok's standard but bearable for us Malaysians. Their almond slice croissant is sent directly from heaven and the dessert is both a treat to look at and to the tastebud. The salmon teriyaki is CHEAP at 160baht for the whole slice. Where on earth can you find that??

Anyway, enough of that.

I am very content simply because I enjoyed myself this trip with my best buddies.

As usual, we are very capable of having the best time whether it is KL, Thailand or wherever. We have gone past the stage of learning about each other, and we are all very comfortable talking about almost anything under the sun.

ok I am losing my flow of thought.

I need to pack up and head home to repay my sleep debts.

Summary for November 2010

2010-11-29T00:53:00.002+08:00

We have reached the end of November, and probably in a blink of an eye, 2010 will be gone and forgotten. So allow me to get ahead of myself just a little and talk about how my year has been, instead of going nutcase with the crowd come dec 31.

I did not like 2010.

Of course, we have to say nice things about everything because for every second you wallow in negativity, we encourage our mind to think the same. So think positive they say, and good things will follow.

I say fuck it. I still think 2010 sucked.

I tell you why:

1) My business has grown, but not as much as I have intended it to be.

2) I'm much more calm this year in managing certain challenges I thought I'd explode, but I have still exploded twice in the face of an existing client and a prospect.

3) I thought I have found real contentment in settling down in a relationship, but it ended half way through the year.

4) I have kicked several bad habits I have, but gained a few others more.

5) I have gained some (almost too little) size due to personal training, but not enough for anyone to notice.

6) I made an important promise to myself to spend more time with my family, but failed rather miserably.

Kinda sucky?

But who can I possibly blame?

No one but me I guess...

Makes me think what the hell do we actually want to achieve in this thing we call life.

We are always running and running, chasing all kinds of things but what on earth do we REALLY want?

I actually stopped running that day and gave thought to this.

And I seriously couldn't figure it out.

I guess I just wanted to be happy.

But how does one get there?

I don't know.

SO yeah.

we are all so fucked.

What a way to end a year. yayz.

We try, and then we die.

2010-11-01T18:27:00.002+08:00

Life has so many ways to make things look rather interesting.

We experience many ups, yet all the downs somewhat offsets it and at the end, we are always in our neutral form.

We are not happy.

We are not sad.

And then we die.

Life is but a game, and that is the truth.

You can never truly understand what people are thinking.

Clients, Lovers, Parents etc.

You just sail along, doing your best, hoping that your best is seen and appreciated.

What more can one do if the best isn't enough?

I'm currently in that state right now.

My best seems to have failed to impress.

Probably I tried too hard. Probably I havent tried hard enough.

The bottom line is I tried.

I could possibly take certain things a bit too seriously.

Maybe I should just relax and work on it, until my effort is seen as unnecessary.

So the question is simple.

Do we all, man woman kid elderly doctor engineer lover parent student teacher...

die trying...? eventually?

ps: this post is about work. not love. just FYI :)

an early morning post

2010-10-22T09:14:00.004+08:00

Got up around 7ish just now, something that is rarer than the blue moon.

Standing at the balcony, looking at Bukit Jalil, I have never seen it look so pretty before.

A great sense of calmness in that part of the city where people are so busy living their life they forget to be friendly.

But now, it's just peaceful.

Well, not in an hour's time I'm sure, when insanity takes over.

Oh well..

Actually this post is about something else.

I want to record this part of my life down as I have never felt this way before.

All these years, I thought I have been getting the best of everything, both in materials as well as friendship and any other things life has to offer. How wrong was I.

I mean, yes I had great moments in the past.

But I realised I have done very little to bring myself forward, and most of the things I do merely satisfy me on a short term basis. I have never planned for anything grander than that.

And that is just sad.

Even sadder now that I realised this at the ripe OLD age of 33 (going on 34 yikes)

So I have so much to catch up.

And here are the things I have been absolutely busy with lately :

Personal Training

Fuck what they say about the shallowness of having a great body versus the real substance in the mind. The biggest problem is that people judge each other first by the way they look, before they even get to know them. And all these years I have been so content with buying new and expensive clothes to wrap around an average body, but what is far more important is that people look good in cheap clothing if they are in shape.

So here I am embarking on a journey of lifting weights, in hope that I can persevere through and achieve something out of this. So far, it has been merely one month into it but it felt like forever. No muscle tone whatsoever, but I generally feel much more healthier, which is good.

Let's just hope the good feeling precedes the visible physical results I expect. And I expect it before the end of this year.

Vocal Lessons

Had my first class yesterday. My trainer, Jeanie's an angel. She sounds like an angel!

I was so moved when she sang.

She taught me techniques which I've never heard of, mostly in the area of breathing, how to open up voice etc. All a bit too technical actually, coz I told her that I'm the type that performs only in my car (pity that car) and she said that's how most great artists started their passion in singing. Toilets, car, etc. Well, an artist I am not, but we'll see where this leads to :)

Oh she knows I'm gay! like LOL.

Complete Business Automation

This is a must.

In fact this is part of the this year's resolution and needs to be achieved.

I have 2 more new businesses coming up and time is finite, I need hands to manage the first one while I run the second and third show. I have a few candidates coming in next week, and I most certainly hope I find one that fits my requirement.

Home Renovation

This one is like so overdue.

The last time it picked up momentum, I only manage to do up the living room and the dining area. Stupid decision coz when they finally work on the bedrooms, they will end up wrecking the dining area. Lessons!

This will most likely spill over to next year, but progress it must make!

New Car

Dear Lord, this is my greatest weakness.

Probably the worse thing to have a passion for.

And all those months of savings just to get something that depreciates by the day.

But the joy it gives is inexplainable, and that's what matter most.

And talking to the tax advisor made me cry inside

Apparently the government of Malaysia gives tax exemption to any company car purchased below RM150,000 and not above it. That tax exemption is RM100,000.

RM100,000!

exempted from tax!

That is like fantastic considering corporate tax is like 20%.

But getting a car that is RM150,000??

Isn't that like my current Honda?

sigh

I'm still thinking what to do now.

an early morning post

2010-10-22T09:14:00.003+08:00

Got up around 7ish just now, something that is rarer than the blue moon.

Standing at the balcony, looking at Bukit Jalil, I have never seen it look so pretty before.

A great sense of calmness in that part of the city where people are so busy living their life they forget to be friendly.

But now, it's just peaceful.

Well, not in an hour's time I'm sure, when insanity takes over.

Oh well..

Actually this post is about something else.

I want to record this part of my life down as I have never felt this way before.

All these years, I thought I have been getting the best of everything, both in materials as well as friendship and any other things life has to offer. How wrong was I.

I mean, yes I had great moments in the past.

But I realised I have done very little to bring myself forward, and most of the things I do merely satisfy me on a short term basis. I have never planned for anything grander than that.

And that is just sad.

Even sadder now that I realised this at the ripe OLD age of 33 (going on 34 yikes)

So I have so much to catch up.

And here are the things I have been absolutely busy with lately :

Personal Training

Let's just hope the good feeling precedes the visible physical results I expect. And I expect it before the end of this year.

Vocal Lessons

Had my first class yesterday. My trainer, Jeanie's an angel. She sounds like an angel!

I was so moved when she sang.

Oh she knows I'm gay! like LOL.

Complete Business Automation

This is a must.

In fact this is part of the this year's resolution and needs to be achieved.

Home Renovation

This one is like so overdue.

This will most likely spill over to next year, but progress it must make!

New Car

Dear Lord, this is my greatest weakness.

Probably the worse thing to have a passion for.

And all those months of savings just to get something that depreciates by the day.

But the joy it gives is inexplainable, and that's what matter most.

And talking to the tax advisor made me cry inside

Apparently the government of Malaysia gives tax exemption to any company car purchased below RM150,000 and not above it. That tax exemption is RM100,000.

RM100,000!

exempted from tax!

That is like fantastic considering corporate tax is like 20%.

But getting a car that is RM150,000??

Isn't that like my current Honda?

sigh

I'm still thinking what to do now.

The Best!

2010-10-09T12:41:00.003+08:00

I cannot keep track how many times I have been watching this.

He's so good, so seriously mighty hawt, and freaking talented.

And the original, here.

2010-10-09T00:41:00.002+08:00

I cannot afford it.

How many times have I told myself that I cannot fuse my desires with my current financial state.

No, I am not broke or in any kind of financial difficulties, just that I am far from being able to afford some of the things I want/need/desire/love.

Why is it so hard?

And is it true that as you earn more, your taste in stuffs will grow proportionately to that?

I remember during schooldays, I never had any form of cravings for anything luxurious. I was such a contented school boy. In fact, I couldn't remember if I ever wanted anything then.

Now?

Clothes.

Good food.

Vacations.

And now, cars.

yes, not too long ago I bought a car, and now I want a new one.

And stop that sick talk about what's the better investment, I am not stupid and I know its a freaking liability. Ultimately, it is my choice because I love cars. And not anything that I do with money, I need to get the best value for it, or to earn more as a result of utilising it.

Sometimes, I feel the sole purpose of money is to buy ourselves happiness, contentment and comfort.

In this case, the Audi A5 gives me that. All 3 of that.

Dear lord, I just spent 5 minutes behind that wheel and there's no way I can shake that feeling off and it has been more than 48 hours.

I wish I'm into barbie dolls or something. At the very least, the vintage collection of barbie wouldn't exceed RM10 - 20k.

The Audi A5? A handsomely RM308,000.

Yup you read that right. RM308 freaking grand.

And its a recond even. A new unit will set you back at least RM420k.

So now, this is where the big boys play.

Haihh...

I just cannot imagine what it's like if a financial crisis hits and business goes south, then I have a car to pay off. Sigh.

Man I'm sighing damn a lot lor.

No choice, I have no one to share this with.

All my friends have been truly supportive of this decision, for obvious reasons, no one is paying for the monthly dues!

Ok that's enough.

The whole plan is to own a new car by March 2011. That date stays. But the car that I will own? That is the biggest headache right now.

I need a huge deal within this 6 months, and it mustn't wait.

Dear A5, I WILL OWN YOU.

queens everywhere

2010-09-26T13:13:00.003+08:00

having jap food, again.

This time, seated right in front of the sashimi counter.

chef1: - mumbles something -

chef2:....

chef1: why are you ignoring me?

chef2: did you say something

chef1: yeah was talking to you

chef2: didnt hear you

chef1: you ignore me all the time

chef2: i see you day and night, its normal

just a matter of time, before queens rule the world.

random thoughts...continued

2010-09-18T14:29:00.002+08:00

21. Why do cars with automatic transmission need to have the gear lever in the centre console? They should just make it a knob somewhere and utilise that space for more useful things.

22. Grindr on iPhone is probably the worse place to look for love.

23. Fahrenheit 88 is going to be the biggest flop if they don't do something about their tenants.

24. My client suggested that I should be a wedding planner. I don't know whether I should laugh or cry.

25. I miss Alvin. He lives here.

26. It is almost impossible to find a nice work/laptop bag without breaking your wallet.

27. I have two offers for a Platinum card since last week, is Platinum the new standard for entry level credit cards?

28. I hate celebrity fitness, I really do. I hate it even more that I can't go elsewhere because their clubs are closest to where I work or live and the membership is the cheapest I can get.

29. I found a tiny cockroach in my car last night. No more lonely nights driving home by myself.

30. I love my home. Its not posh but its welcoming.

Ok, brain fused di.
Have a great weekend y'all!

K

Kampachi-ing alone.

2010-09-18T13:38:00.003+08:00

I haven't been blogging for a long time.
And all that for a good reason I suppose.
Life has been pretty good lately, with exception to those little challenges that no one can really avoid. I guess with happiness comes an equal amount of sadness and disappointment. So what to do in such a situation, live on, is there a choice?

I'm going to pour out some thoughts from my head at the moment, truly random thoughts:

1. I'm having lunch alone in Kampachi Pavilion. And this girl all dolled up in LV and trendy clothing is munching on her food loudly. Money can't buy you style or elegance.

2. I have a problem saying "No". Due to that, I have taken up projects I shouldn't have and now I'm suffering because of it. This has taken place countless times, yet I never learn.

3. I have probably read one of the most disappointing thing on one of the blogs earlier today. So misaligned that I wouldn't want to post up a reference or comment further on it.

4. I'm working on my budget for a new car next year. It'd take a silly person to spend money on something that loses its value so rapidly, so the wise one would say. But the wise ones will live a life filled with excellent investment but not all of them would know what it's like to live a fulfilling life. Some, not all, so don't get all defensive :)

5. I'm quite bored of my new office. Hence why I am back at the malls, working.

6. It's very easy to be happy. Our heart is tiny, there's no room for disappointment or sadness. Learn to release these, and there's ample space for happiness to come in.

7. I figured that the people closest to you are the best tutors in life too. They show you the best, and also the worse, life has to offer.

8. I have no idea what is going on in my sister's head. How can anybody get so much emotion bottled up in that brain. I really don't get it.

9. I thought I don't have to pay government tax for food bills anymore no? Why do they charge me that 5%? dang.

10. I'm determined to change the way I look. I have only one chance to do it this lifetime, and I'm sticking to it. Well, maybe not the hair.

11. One of the most important lesson I learnt the past week is that Lesbians don't eat gay men for breakfast.

12. Since last month, I officially have credit card debts. And I didn't even get anything for myself.

13. 5 pieces of Tuna sashimi in Kampachi cost RM210. They are nuts!

14. I'm thinking of selling the business, and go study. A degree in Interior Design or Automotive Engineering or something. Something I'm passionate about.

15. It's not easy to sell a business.

16. I cannot stand parrots. No, not the bird. People who are like parrots. They repeat whatever others say. I hear them the first time, thank you. And form your own opinion, I'm sure you are capable of that.

17. And by forming your own opinion it doesn't mean you have to appear confrontational.

18. Love is one tricky thing. What is not good for you in the long run, you owe it to yourself to make things right. Else it'll come back and nip you in the butt.

19. I miss my Tiffany Ring. I miss my Tiffany necklace. I'm a stupid and careless man sometimes.

20. Probably the most important lesson in life.

Leaving for SG

2010-07-21T09:02:00.002+08:00

This trip means a lot to me, this time around.
Travelling alone to many means loneliness, but to me it is time for reflection.
It is a time that one takes a break, and think about what has gone wrong and where can things be improved. Afterall, we are always running and running on a daily basis, have we stop to think where the hell we are running to?

So yeah, time to smell the roses.

I'm also going to try to discipline myself this trip.
I have been spending so much on things I don't need, and my savings haven't increase even one cent in the past 2 years. I feel embarrased, this I can tell you.

My first "sacrifice" for this trip, is to skip staying in fancy hotels and take my friend's advice to just go on a budget trip. So, goodbye Sand's, you have been sacrificed, but I will be back :) (so much for discipline).

Shopping list for this trip:

One jacket/cardigan etc for the freezing office (i want to say nothing more than a Uniqlo but I think we shouldn't limit ourself that way kan?) LOL

One round in Muji no more than SGD50

Max 2 pieces of underwear

Max 2 pieces of tops

That's it!
Note to self, no designer messenger bags! (This I am fearful)

Ok, that's all. time to pack up and leave!

Lies

2010-07-18T17:44:00.002+08:00

I have so many pictures to post of my newly renovated office.
But I have no mood to do that.

I want to talk about lies today.

Why do people lie?

I just found out (as usual) that someone is lying to me. Well, we all lie sometimes, but a lie can be used for good intentions, or to prevent someone from getting emotionally hurt or to just be polite. But what if a lie doesn't fall into any of those categories?

That. Fucking irks me.

The way I do it is simple.
If someone lies to me and I find out, I will usually go up to them, start a conversation and try to give them an opportunity to tell me the truth instead. I will move around the subject, I will tell them that even if it turns out this way (presenting the truth) I will be fine.

And more often than not, people will open up and tell me the truth.
But no, not this one.

And till now I cannot figure out why is there a need to say that lie.
It is almost like a mystery that I must solve.

Why?

SIGH!

But oh well, perhaps the lesson for me here is to learn how to put things behind me, which I am getting pretty good at. I forget things, especially things that hurt me a lot. It is a natural process really, I myself do not know how it works inside this bald head of mine LOL.

Anyway, not going to think too much. This week is going to be pure madness. After spending a month working on the office renovation, work is piling up and clients are chasing for their stuffs.

And come Wednesday I have to be in Singapore for a meeting. Still thinking if I should stay over the weekend, or just come back on Friday and attend to some work.

How? Decisions.
I wonder if the grand sale is still on.

Oh my, this post is so all over the place!
Better end now.

Going for dinner at Duck King with my two best pals. We have a lot to update each other.

Happy weekending people! (although it is almost over hmmpth...)

2010-07-02T01:20:00.002+08:00

This is the first time I'm blogging from my iPhone.
Time is 121am and I'm lying in bed, lights are off and I'm nicely tucked underneath my comfy feather quilt.
Ahh..bliss

Except that my heart is burning with anger I can set my condo on fire!
I'm so mad right now I can't descrbe it.

Thanks to that stupid contractor.
Who managed to completely screwed up my concrete flooring.
Just one day without supervising and it's all gone.
Now the office looks like fuck!

How can you paint the varnish over those patches left behind by the construction of the concrete table??

The tracks that you fucking dug for the door stopper got the same treatment.
How is the floor different to that during the renovation?

Oh god I swear I'll kill him when I see him tomorrow.
I'm completely consumed by rage!
And all the tables and chairs are coming in tmw.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

some random post of the new office

2010-06-29T15:50:00.003+08:00

seriously hot body but a seriously ugly face.
He was topless the whole time and I just couldn't stop gawking at his body.
Go any further up, and you'll be greeted by this, erm.. I don't know how to describe it really.

Anyway, the prawn was constructing my concrete table top, where I intend to buy high chairs for it so we can use it as a place for breakfast, internet browsing or anything. Jin wanted to use it as a therapy table, like omg imagine what the neighbours gonna say when they see that!

The office is run by 100% LED lighting for energy efficiency. The only problem is the characteristics of LED lights. They are like spot lights so they wont lit up the whole place, just a spot. So the office appears rather dark at night. But ambience lighting has always been my preference.

Gonna get more of those spotlights to lit up the wall, which I will eventually frame up some of our work and put it across the wall.

oh man, what's going on..

2010-06-28T11:22:00.002+08:00

So emotionally wrecked.
So so confused.
So so tired.
So so exhausted.

What's that on my finger?
It is not mine.
What's that in my head?
It is not myself.
What's that that sends shivers down my spine?
It's not my fat hen.

So what is it that is shifting my emotions like a tsunami after the great quake?

No, this cannot be happening.
Not now.
Not today.
Not this week.
Not this month.
Not this year even.

This is almost like a vacation cut short.
I'm running out of words...

Oh I seek guidance from up above whoever, wherever you are!

counting on luck

2010-06-25T12:06:00.003+08:00

This morning when the contractor's mini truck was going down the ramp towards the underground carpark, one side the ladder smashed into the top section of the entrance, damaging the indicator and the concrete pillar.

And almost like a stroke of luck, the management guy was doing his round for the morning and was walking down the ramp when that happened. So he witnessed the whole incident.

Oh lord what a way to start the day!

Reno bills, what have I done to you that you're now killing me this way, oh so slowly but surely...

quite a dose of positivity for the day

2010-06-24T11:46:00.002+08:00

Here I am sitting in Pappa Rich @ Dutamas, with my laptop whipped out for another day of work on-the-go, and over consumption of fattening food.

But today is different.

The sun reminds me so much of Australia.
I can almost feel the breeze that used to greet me in the morning.
That strange yet alluring smell of dry grass during summer,
and how everyone seems to speak with a different accent.
Indonesian, Vietnamese, Singaporean, Malaysians...

Strange really.
I believe that our mind randomly throws fragment of memories that will remind one of where they used to be, how they used to feel etc. That's why sometimes people break down because not all these memories are pleasant. Some are best forgotten.

But it sure is a good day for me so far.

And I'm so gonna enjoy it while it lasts.

Like finally, on the wall baby!

2010-06-23T19:26:00.003+08:00

I went through hell for this shit.
Finally, the notice of approval to proceed with the office renovation is up!

And the urgency is so great that I have immediately contacted the contractor to start work tomorrow morning. Both the air conditioners and the wall and floor hacking for the glass partition will be up by end of tomorrow. The day after I hope to get my concrete table and tree holder up. And hopefully by Saturday, the glass panels will come in.

Things are all set for opening on the 6th!
I'm so excited!
But broke.

Coz I just bought a new toy yesterday.
Pictures to be posted when I finally get hold of it! :))

New Office Part 1: The Virgin

2010-06-21T14:51:00.005+08:00

Minor renovation work is going to commence this week.
And before this little virgin of an office space is transformed into my official work pad, I would like to keep a record to show the progress from what it is now to what it will become.

The entrance: It is lovely to be in an office block than a shop lot. At least you get security guards, a decent lobby leading to the entrance of your space and more importantly, everything is kept clean and tidy.

Looking out the window: I have seen a total of 21 spaces within this premise, and most of them faces other blocks. They have others facing the main road (which I foresee to be noisy) and/or housing area (which is weird because you don't want to see what the makcik is cooking for dinner). There's one unit with the new Istana view, beautiful, only if you look straight ahead. Look down and you'll be greeted by huge ass aircon units.

The entrance from the inside: Nothing much here. But soon there will be a partition to separate the entrance from the work area for some privacy, as I will replace the wooden door with a glass door.

The hard work: When one does not have enough money to hire an interior designer, what does one do? They spend countless weekends measuring and plotting the boundaries for each rooms themselves. Ok, I'm not exactly complaining but I'm rather scared of how the final look will turn out!

Like omg, one step closer to a real functioning office!

2010-06-15T18:21:00.005+08:00

I'm growing kinda tired of working from malls, cafes and what not. Like seriously, this office thing is so overdue and I'm glad we're halfway there now.

Things could have been faster, if not for those bitches at the management office.
I mean, do you really need to have that many documents just to install a silly little partition? It is so easy to enforce these rules but have you ever put yourself in that situation before?

But oh well, now we're almost done with the paperwork, real work can begin real soon.
Mom insisted that 6 July 2010 to be a good day and we're all aiming for that.

Kinda tight if you ask me, but the option of an alternative date is out of the question.

Budget on the other hand skyrocketed to almost 40% more than my initial estimation. Partly due to higher initial investment for higher quality fittings that saves in the longer run for e.g full LED lighting for the whole place.

Mom calls this necessary investment, so yeah I'm not gonna complain too much (if it isn't already!).

Will be posting pictures of the office up hopefully by next week when they start doing up the place!

Gayvilion

2010-06-13T17:21:00.003+08:00

Had God given us the ability to fire laser beams from our eyes, I can imagine Starbucks Pavilion to be full of charred remains of what used to be gay men. Everybody is checking everybody out to death. I always wonder, what exactly do they want from each other?

Are they enjoying themselves by the mere sight of a hot male physique?
Or are they hoping that from these stares they will get lucky, like right here in Starbucks?

Nobody is going to approach anybody. So what are they hoping to get out of this?
In a club, high on alcohol I can imagine people being bolder. Buying a complete stranger a drink or walking up to them making all sort of sexual proposals can be a possibility.

But in Starbucks, how?

picture this.

2010-06-13T17:07:00.002+08:00

10 years down the road, your priorities will be dramatically different from what it is today. Age is catching up. All those jokes about you being old and wheelchair bound is now just that little closer to reality. You are no longer balding. To be balding you need to have hair first, which at this stage, you don't. Your parents are much older and unheard of health issues starts to crop up more often than you are used to. Afterall, you used to think they were going to live forever.

I can imagine the load of stress ahead.

And with that new office coming up, and the implementation of some business plans I have never had courage to execute in the past, gives me a minor heart attack everytime I think about it.

Oh financial independence where are thou!?

On a good note, I am generally happy and content with certain developments in my life :)

like omg, not more bad news?

2010-04-28T16:08:00.002+08:00

I have been so busy working, and for the first time I didn't complain about it. Day in, day out I just fill up my hours immersed in truckload of work. I think I finally got bored complaining.

Not a bad thing, that is.

So this entry today is definitely not about slutilla against the world, but more of a wake up call that life is indeed uncertain and fragile.

It started with a love story that brewed in the office, 8 years ago. Both my colleagues, Jim and Emmy fell in love in the midst of chasing deadlines and attending meetings. We all thought that they both weren't meant for each other because they started off as mortal enemies in the office, who would have thought that they could ever get together? But they did. They got married 2 years ago, and I attended that wedding. The usuals I guess, sitting there wishing the happy couple an everlasting marriage, while I secretly sulk at the fact that I am going to be old and unmarried, and die alone in my apartment (ohh stop it before it starts!).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, Emmy gave birth to a beautiful baby girl 3 months ago. The world rejoiced, and to all those fellow ex-colleagues, we were all thrilled and celebrations were held from hometowns to hometowns and all relatives were crazy over the cute little bundle of joy.

Last Tuesday, the baby girl passed away.

I didn't know about it until I met an ex-colleague when she told me about it. My heart sank. There were some complications with the baby's throat that somehow channeled her food intake into the lungs. She went pale when they fed her and immediately she was rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately, she left on the way there.

I called Emmy today.

I actually held on to the phone for 30 minutes not knowing what to do or say. I'm not the kind of guy that knows what to say and how to say it and I was so scared to say the wrong thing.

But I knew its a call I had to make.

Ahh damn just call her, I said to myself. And I did, and the first thing I hear on the phone was sobbing. She knew it, not another friend calling to tell her the same thing, that they are sorry about her loss, and how they will be there for her when she needs it. I felt so bad, I just went quiet and told her that I may not know how she feels, but I could feel the loss and the pain. I asked that she be strong, and that some things in life happens, and that we shall mourn but life goes on after that. Start a new chapter, rebuild a new beginning, recreate the happiness and the memories that you had with the child and don't let the past pull you down.

Then, I could sense some heaviness in my own eyes.
Those words came from my mouth to another person I care for, but they spoke to me instead.
I needed those advice as much as she did.

But this is not about me, its about her. I spent a few more minutes with Emmy until she's done pouring, and told her to get some rest. I sent my regards and condolences to Jim as well and asked that they come out for lunch or dinner some day. We need some catch up time, also a form of distraction from their overwhelming loss now.

So there, gay or straight, single or married - we are all faced with different challenges life posed to us. It's a one way street, whether we like it or not we have to face it, solve it and move on. Now I just need to keep reminding myself that.

Whatsapp chat history with the Ultimate Potato Queen (UPQ)

2010-03-19T18:20:00.004+08:00

UPQ is in Singapore, working for a company that is so "charged with negative energy" that its bound to cause earthquake and other catastrophes in this world. He is known to many as the quiet harvester and an opportunist. Recently made plans to acquire a potato through an asian proxy he is not interested in. He codenamed this operation as "The Necessary Sacrifice".

We chatted on Whatsapp today, and we're known to waste our life away talking rubbish. Today I would like to share some of our trash.

Me: I'm taking a bus now. Here in Malaysia. I almost cannot believe it. This is an achievement.

UPQ: .......like, why?

Me: My car has to stay overnight in the service centre. They are replacing stuffs. So, no car till Saturday 630pm.
Me: The kind of people in here I last remember them like 1.5 decades ago.
Me: I feel lucky.

UPQ: Oh dear. Can't imagine you in Pradas and Lacoste but mixing with the commoners.

Me: Tiffany up and down. Fred Perry. Onitsuka. I had the same though earlier. Then cursed myself for thinking like Paris. My neighbour is wearing Sayama. Must be a village brand. The other is a waiter. Probably a dishwasher. And I, a Diva. In a bus.

UPQ: Thinking like Paris? You are Paris!! Paris in a bus that is. Why not cab instead?

Me: No cabs around here. Im just heading to pyramid for gym. Then back home is definitely cab. No way I'm taking bus for that long. Gonna reach pyramid soon. Happy working there. Love, Paris.

UPQ: Paris {mylastname}!! It actually look and sound good. Happy gymming, Paris.
UP: By the way, why are we getting daily updates on Steve and his newfound bf on FB?

Me: Have you forgotten how it feels like to get a new found love? I'm caught in a jam. The bus is packed. My panty is all twisted.

UPQ: Yes, it was stress, fear and uncertainty for me. I thought you got off already? Stomp your high heels and demand to reach now already!!

Me: No right minded girl will stomp on her Louboutin!?! *roll eyes*

UPQ: *HUGE roll eyes*

Me: Like, TTYN!

i'm goin to vomit blood

2010-03-19T17:24:00.002+08:00

For the first time after so many years I have too many things to blog about and I havent got a clue where to start!

Here's episode 1: The Courting Game

I'm here in Starbucks, having a cup of frappe, minding my own business. Then this guy and girl took the table next to mine. Nothing's wrong, of course.

Until you listen to their conversation.
I am going to log this down, one by one.

Guy: *accidentally refers to another female friend using "it"*
Girl: it? that's what you call a girl? :)
Guy: oh no! haha sorry. Well I'm not like that really. I mean I treat girls with respect. It's just me. I'm not like any other guys. You know, those who treat girls badly.
- awkward silence -
Girl: *blushing*

VOMIT BLOOD.

Girl: When are you performing? (apparently this guy is some stage performer of some sort)
Guy: Next week. Are you coming for my performance? (can feel vomit coming)
Girl: I guess I can. Maybe I can give you something after your performance. Maybe roses!
Guy: nobody has given me roses before.
Girl: Well I will be the first then!
Guy: To me, when a person gives me roses, it means something totally different. Roses to me is a symbol of undying love for someone.
- awkward silence -
Girl: *blushing*

VOMIT BLOOD.

Girl: Now you are single.
Guy: Yeah, my last girl friend was 6 years ago
Girl: Any flings? ;)
Guy: Oh no, I am not like that. I treat girls with respect. (You know, unlike other guys right?)
Girl: Tell me about your past relationship lah.
Guy: Well, my ex used to be part of the performance we had etc etc. I still remember after her show, I went up to her, brought her a teddy bear with roses in its hand (face a bit green already), got down on my knees (travelling upwards by now), and told her that I love her (like a broken dam, vomit spewed out violently in all directions, swept through the entire starbucks drenching all patrons in wet slimy goo that used to be my lunch)

Ok, I think the girl kinda suspect that I am blogging about them. She must have noticed that my fingers are always on the keyboard, and I type only when they talk LOL! too bad honey! classics like that needs to be documented okay!!

Ok they've left.
Now I can blog about episode 2.

The queen of depression is back

2010-03-15T11:25:00.002+08:00

Everytime I log in to blog it is about how depressed I am, how overworked I have been lately and a slew of negative stuffs all too much to bear for normal readers like you guys. I read back my old posting and I was the ever cheerful and bouncy bitch next door, now I'm just an old queen throwing tantrum over her dress made few sizes too small.

But isn't depression part of life? (damn it's starting...)

How does one manage it?

We ask for so much from the world and together with all these requests they bring along their own set of issues.

You want a relationship, here take this. But don't forget this too.
You want more money, here's a pile of it, but oh and these too.
You want more friends, sure bring them all in but please, sign up here to subscribe to their issues too.
You want nothing? Maybe you should be a monk. Even a monk would demand for a robe and refuse to walk out of the monastery naked, so yeah, even monks have demands/issues too.

So this is the inevitable truth of the world. We are all here, doomed to a lifetime of issues, with the occasional happiness that keep us believing and hopeful that it is all worth the time. I'm sure many people realise this, but because we cant really turn back time or climb back into our mother's womb, we have no choice but to live that life.

Oh well..
Looks like there isn't much choice no?

K

telco from the zoo

2010-01-08T01:03:00.002+08:00

In this post about my free modem from maxis, I praised them for making their customers happy.

Now, with guns a-blazing I will shoot those bastards in the head.

1. They billed me RM180 for the broadband modem. I have spoken to them and if they are not waiving it I will go to the authorities for deceit.

2. They waived the monthly fee for the broadband service but it says RM68 x 4 rebate. That means only for 4 months. In the letter I received, it says for a full year. I reconfirmed with the lady she said 12 months.

3. They sent me a nicely packaged parcel with the sticker that says "Step 1: Peel, Step 2: SMILE". In that parcel I received two booklets and a letter from their Marketing Head Andrew Chong proudly introducing the new privileges for their Maxis One Club members this year. In the voucher booklet, 50% of the privileges expires last year (31 December 2009) and the rest? 31 January 2010. I received that on the 5 of January.

SMILE?

I felt insulted.
Seriously. Is this the way you guys show your appreciation to club members? Sending them expired or expiring privileges is like a direct attempt to make a mockery out of them. What happened to QC for things like this? went out the window?

I got so mad I wrote an email on the spot using my Iphone (no computers around then) and sent it through their corporate website.

Let's put it this way, I will say good things if all things are fine, for sure. But no one can or should tolerate such careless mistakes. Had I not checked my statement properly Maxis would have made some easy money out of me.

Nice try telco from the zoo. I didn't pay peanuts but I got monkeys.

missing missing where's the lost and found

2009-12-03T18:43:00.003+08:00

i'm missing my bf so much as he is away for work in the philippines.
i feel empty, i really do.
the heart is longing for him to come back.

just two more days slutilla, just two more days.

A little surprise

2009-11-24T17:40:00.003+08:00

For months I have been cursing Maxis for having the worst service any Telco could possibly offer. I mean how often do you get disconnected in the middle of calls, or the signal bar goes from 5 bars to no bar right in the middle of the city (or anywhere rather) and 3G Broadband service for Iphone that crawls more often than it walks? You can count on Maxis to give you all that, and more.

I hated (hate is a strong word and is accurately used here) them so much that even after collecting the Blue form for their IPO, I couldn't get myself to submit it. How can I possibly support them after all those problems? I know Maxis must be thinking that it is my loss that I didn't, but with 1000 shares allocation, how much can you possibly make? RM10,000? (I hope I won't eat my words here).

But today, they did something nice.

I have been looking for a broadband solution in the form of a USB drive, so that I can go anywhere with my work notebook. I no longer have to restrict myself to just Starbucks, that serve pretty much nothing for lunch (unless you're on a muffin diet then yes) or McDonald's (unless you're on a fast food diet then good luck).

I was thinking of P1 Wimax at first. But due to the absolutely tasteless ad campaign they are running now, I want to think twice. No, really, if you think that all they have been refering to with "potong" is to cut your telephone wires, and that the campaign has nothing to do with circumcision, you must be either effing naive or just not so bright. Think about it, if the ads didn't make you think about circumcision first it wouldn't even have any impact at all.

ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYY.....

Slutilla, Queen of Digression.

Maxis gave me a free USB modem today.

Free Modem.
Free Usage.
For one whole year.

Okay, at RM68 per month that's a saving of RM816 for the year.

Like wow, okay that's pretty excellent a deal.
As much as I hate you Maxis, with this offer, you're forgiven. Well at least for 12 months :) With your recent IPO and the tonnes of cash you raised, this is a good move. Lock up some subscribers in the market so they won't go to P1, it is a clever business move since you have so much money to burn now :)

So here's my sincere thanks to Maxis for this, perfect timing.
Since it is free, don't worry. If the service is sub standard I wouldn't waste my time calling your support, so breathe easy.

Ok going off now to find some food elsewhere.
Starbucks Borders is like full of seriously shameless people reading stacks and stacks of books without even buying a drink! One even have the balls to look at me and gesturing to his girlfriend that I'm sitting alone in a table meant for 3 (like hellow there's no table for 1 here alwite?). That shithead proceeded to unwrap 4 magazines (+2 more for the GF) and shamelessly read (not even browse) without buying anything from the counter.

Ish.

Fitness First, or Money First

2009-10-20T11:53:00.002+08:00

Girl: Hi Slutilla! My name is Girl, I'm calling from Fitness First!
S: Er hi, how can I help you?
Girl: Slutilla, are you an ex member of Fitness First?
S: Yes I am
Girl: Great! Coz we are having this promotion for ex-members, would you be interested?
S: Well, no harm knowing. Do tell me more.
Girl: We are currently offering ex-members free joining fee to be part of Fitness First again!
S: That's all?
Girl: Ya because our joining fee cost RMXXX and now it is free for ex-members.
S: How much is your monthly fee now?
Girl: For Passport it is RM185 and Home we have a special promotion RM14X!
S: Err, I'm paying much less than your home membership in Celebrity and I can go worldwide.
Girl: Oh but we have more clubs!
S: ..... thanks but I'll stick with Celebrity for now.

To Fitness First, I understand that you have more clubs, but that does not justify charging RM185 for your passport when Celebrity is going for RM13x. You guys are so so losing your members aren't you? When I terminated my membership last time you guys didn't even ask why, so much for self improvement. Now, you want to lure us back with FREE JOINING FEE? Like OMG how can anyone resist that kind of promotion!

Bah..

K

That asshole of a datuk didnt turn up

2009-10-18T16:07:00.002+08:00

He didn't. I waited and waited.
I texted him and there was no reply.
Never once I have been humiliated like this in business.
I guess it is only in malaysia where people who are supposedly important in our society treats others like shit.

Only in Malaysia.

I can only tell myself that this must be good for me. For doing business with someone like this, even if I get the deal, will bring more problems than what the money is worth.

So, yeah...next please thanks!

K

To wait or to leave?

2009-10-14T17:31:00.002+08:00

To be an entrepreneur is not easy. So many dramas you have to manage, so many ugly faces you have to see every day, week, month, years.

I'm supposed to meet this rather important person from the government. And of course, government deals are fab simply because they can cover my annual expenditure and at times, for more than a year even. But dealing with these people, it is usually a vomit inducing experience for me. They can be late for hours, and not a single call to inform you. Like now I'm in a cafe and I have waited for like 45 minutes from our meeting time and the person is no where to be seen. A call confirmed that this person is still having a meeting in another side of town, and I am expected to wait.

Seriously, how can people do business like this? I know you are important but I too have other things to attend to. I cant possibly sit here all day waiting for you lor.

Sigh, I really hate this.
If I post another entry 45 minutes from now means I must have kena FFK-ed big time. So please, hopefully I dont have to post again.

K

Ramblings. And they never stop.

2009-09-28T00:45:00.004+08:00

You know, sometimes one can't deny the fact that life can be just so simple. we've heard of the saying that it is people themselves who complicates life. How true, really.

Just that day i was in the car with my parents, and we were chatting. Dad talked about his passions in life and all, mom as usual kept quiet and gave me a nod of approval as if her only passion in life is to see my dad and i, getting along so well. That selfless she is. I'm sure she has many passions buried deep in her heart and it saddens me that she'll never live them. I've hated my dad all these while, the things he did to the family can never be reversed and can never be forgiven. But everyday i try to tell myself that this man gave me life, and as much as he sucked, he's my father and i shall do my part as a son. He gave me a good education, a roof above my head and more importantly, a lesson in life; that nobody is perfect.

Anyway, during the journey in the car we passed by the hospital where i was born. as usual being parents they will point this out. Thats when i said that isnt it an irony, that a hospital is a place we were all delivered, given life, and is also the place where most of us will leave this life? almost like an airport really. But what's the whole point of all these coming in and going out? A baby boy grows up to be a man, learn to wank, flirt with girls, get married, have kids, work his ass off for the kids, grow old and sick, and then die and leaves everything (or to some, nothing) behind. and the kid repeats the process.

What's this?

I have people telling me that it is the experience, the things we learn when we are alive that defines us.

Here comes the real reason why i am blogging today.

What the fuck defines me?

It is not even comforting to know that after that stage where i learn to wank, everything turns blurry from the norm. Of course, like other gay men i look for someone to love, who will love me in return. I look for stability in that relationship that will see us through time and all the truly unusual challenges of a gay relationship. Gay people are really going on this journey where things will get seriously bumpy for them but they do not know it. Simply because they live life as it comes. I dont blame them because thats how i do it too.

The future is just so uncertain that the best way to manage that is to put it aside.

I mean we cant have kids. Well of course we can adopt one but it will never be the same. You can fight for your point of view, but pooping a baby out of that pussy though is seriously disturbing, is rather magical for the parents. Its like the first car that rolls off the production line in a new factory. Its something to be proud of. You have created a living being. like wow.

So how are gay men going to do that stuffing his schlong up the sewage holes? Perhaps that why they keep trying with different holes so as to increase the chances of hitting the jackpot? kidding girls, put your guns down :)

So, all you faggots. What happens when we are finally 40ish and you have a head filled with all sort of wisdom in life but nothing physical is ever going to be created. how are you going to leave a legacy behind? who's gonna feed you when you can't feed yourself? Your aging bf who most probably is as ill as you? Your bffs who used to carry your shopping bags and is now carrying your urine pouch? Your fuck buddies who you used to sneak back home and is now nobody to you because you only knew him for the sex? A community worker caring for you who you barely know his/her name who is serving her interest in life by doing what she likes best, and it really doesnt concern you?

How? You can go on and on about having a trust fund to help the poor and needy or how you will be rich enough to build buildings and name them after you blah blah and blah. But there's such cruelty in life that none of that ever matters.

I surprise myself sometimes with all that depressing thoughts haha. But how else do i get it out of my system?

To summarise the whole thing, i just cant help but wonder if that void in me is the result of me being in my 30s and my priorities are no longer fucking but thinking, or that i am thinking too much and should subscribe to the common consequence of life, that is to live and to die, just dont ask too much (and continue fucking)?

For now i guess the best way forward is to take life one day at a time (see, there you go again) and when the time comes, the answer shall come to you.

Let's see where life will head to 10 years after this entry. If i'm still around i better have an answer for the question. If not, well dead and buried i hope.

Good night sunday, Good morning monday.
and sorry folks for all those four letter words. lol.

I have sinned

2009-09-06T04:24:00.002+08:00

Today, I bought a lamp from Kota Damansara.
It's gorgeous.
It's an Artemide.

REPLICA.

yes.

A. REPLICA.

Lord, how can I ever set foot in Lightcraft ever again?

The hunt for a new TV is reaching an end

2009-09-05T12:09:00.002+08:00

I have been spending a few weeks researching on the best plasma screen to get to replace my rather tiny 32" LCD. My eyes are popping out reading all those online reviews and I really should make a decision soon.

So far the shortlisted models:

Samsung 4-series 50" Plasma
Panasonic X-series 50" Plasma
LG PQ30 50" Plasma

I can't wait really! Playing games on that screen should be absolutely mind blowing! Watching pirated DVDs will never be the same anymore! LOL

Well, if you are not into gadgets allow me to congratulate you. You'll just be that much richer because this shit is expensive.

Not gonna write more about this. I should get the TV within this week and will post up pictures!

Continued? Not really

2009-09-05T11:30:00.002+08:00

Yes I know that in my previous post, I said that I will continue with part two for that entry, but I'm telling you that it is an uphill challenge just to log on to bloggers and post something. anything.

Blogging used to be so simple last time. I can talk about how I found a mini lobster in the drain, how I keep getting the weirdest clients etc. Now? I just stare at the goddamn screen thinking of what to write about.

Then it dawned upon me. I have no responsibility when it comes to blogging.

Whether it is to my readers, or to myself, I really shouldn't feel obliged to do it.

I blog. When I want to blog. Period.

A little cold there? LOL!

You see, when I say that, I feel like blogging now. No pressure!

I'm back, but for how long?

2009-08-09T13:44:00.005+08:00

Thanks to Scottie, he reminded me that I have a blog and like geez when am I going to write something. You see, I'm not exactly that fantastic when it comes to writing, broken english and all, but heck I'll just write anyway.

So much has happened since my last posting and I dont know where to start. I'm just going to put it all in snippets in no chronological order as it is easier that way.

So here goes!

I have a new car!

Yeah but it's not so new anymore lah. 3 months old to be exact.
Everytime I walk to my car I just cant stop telling myself that it looks super gorgeous, the 17inch wheels, the sharp nose or the tinted HID headlamp. Who cares if they are all over KL roads? Everything about the car is so pretty, until you drive it.

I cant seem to find anybody who shares the same sentiment as me when it comes to the Honda Civic 2.0. Dont know why but technically I think the car is far from perfect. I used to drive a City and I dare say I had more fun zipping around town in that than this. No I'm not talking about fuel efficiency, but more on the transmission. This car is too sluggish for a 2.0 during the initial acceleration. And the engine noise, gosh any harsher I think I'm better off driving a lorry.

I'm not going to complain further but I do not see myself driving this car for more than 2 years.

Hmmm....I wonder what's next? hehehe....

Celebrated my BF's birthday

My ah boy turned 24 this year. It seems like forever we've been together and he's like only 24. This is damn shitty man LOL. Celebrated his birthday at Porto Romano (The restaurant next to Wendy's in Kiara) and I must say that they serve pretty good food at a very reasonable price. The ambience was good and the service? nothing short of fantastic. Well done you guys!

We then adjourned to Shangri-La to hang out at the lobby lounge where there was this lady who was belting out jazzy numbers, perfect as we both love jazz. I requested a song for my boy and am glad that he liked it :)

I guess the biggest surprise for the night was when we called for the bill. I didn't pay a cent but wrote down my room number on the tab instead. So yeah, I booked a room at the Shang for two nights (cost me an arm, a leg but worth every cent) just for us to chill and break the monotony of our usual routine.

I have quite a bit to say about the 5 star service (mostly good), but I will just talk about one thing.

This.

like omfg lor?!

Do you need to custom make a box for cables?
And as if the box isnt good enough, you make these little suede pouches just to hold them and mark each section with a metal with gold trimming label pieces?
This is just too much!

And L'Occitane products were thrown all over the room. Not anymore coz we took them all back home haahaha

The room we had was on the Horizon Floor (an RM380++ upgrade omfg) where it comes with butler service (butler nowhere to be seen though) and free flow food and cocktails at the Horizon Lounge all day. They will even help you pack and unpack your stuffs, polish your shoes etc. Quite worth it if you ask me. And those people at the Horizon Lounge have been trained not to ask you for your room number, they actually remember you. Terror kan? Truely 5 star service.

Ok I need to go out now to Wondermilk to meet those guys.
Will come back and continue...

CIMB LISTEN UP!

2009-04-21T17:52:00.003+08:00

I got back from a fabulous trip with some very fabulous people (too bad, not 9 of us awww..) BKK is gay Gay GAY! More on the trip much later as it will take me some time to write that up (if it ever gets started).

Now, this post is for CIMB.

Listen CIMB, I love you guys man. Since the day one of your staff said to my face that "All we have is money", I know you guys are a bunch of self-centered selfish sons of bitches. But that's fine, we need people like you to manage a bank.

That's why I have 3 accounts with you.
In fact, 70% of all my money have been deposited with you.
You practically have a firm clutch of my balls in your hand.

I am writing this today requesting that you do not squeeze my balls too tight or I have no choice but to move my eggs (pun intended) to another basket, if you get what I mean.

Nonsense aside, this is about your online service, CIMB Clicks.
Little did your fine prints mention that the "Clicks" in your CIMB Clicks means taking 4 minutes to load up a page after every click.

4 god damn minutes.

That's fine, I can always call the support centre and tell them that my balls are aching waiting for it load.

But please, hire real human, not robots (I know they have no balls for me to squeeze back) to answer my concern.

My first email to you, after many painful weeks of either waiting for a page to load or get a freaking error message.

MY FIRST EMAIL

Cimbclicks is running too slow.
I have experience this since last month and I thought it was my internet connection, but up till today it has been dragging on.

Please do something about this as it takes away the experience to use this online service and more so reflect badly on the reputation of CIMB in this.

CIMB REPLIES

Dear Slutilla,

Thank you for your e-mail and banking with us.

We wish to inform that, we have forwarded this matter to our department concern for their review and reference for future enhancement.
Should you have other inquiries, please do not hesitate to contact our CIMB Call Centre at 1-300-880-900 or 03-2295 6100 between 7am to 11pm (Malaysia hours) daily, (we are contactable 7 days a week including public holidays) for information and assistance.

Regards and have a pleasant day,

MY SECOND EMAIL

I’m following up on this issue as stated in my previous email to you. As of now 10:09pm 20 april, the access to CIMB Clicks is slow to a drag. The site www.cimbclicks.com.my loads slow, and upon clicking on the Login link, it loads even slower. We are talking about 3 – 4 minutes to load a page.

My access to other sites are normal. Access to other online banking services such as RHB and Maybank2u also normal.

I hope some serious consideration is taken to upgrade any bottlenecks to the system as soon as possible, as this has been ongoing for months.

CIMB REPLIES

Dear Slutilla,

Thank you for your e-mail and banking with us.

We wish to inform that, we have forwarded this matter to our department concern for their attention and immediate action.

Should you have other inquiries, please do not hesitate to contact our CIMB Call Centre at 1-300-880-900 or 03-2295 6100 between 7am to 11pm (Malaysia hours) daily, (we are contactable 7 days a week including public holidays) for information and assistance.

Regards and have a pleasant day,

NUFF SAID

emotionally wrecked!

2009-04-09T16:14:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's that mood or something, I don't know.
But this was circulating on Facebook and I watched it like 3 times.
And every single time this god damn video left me in a wreck!

I will be leaving for BKK tomorrow morning yayz!!

like omg it sucks

2009-03-25T12:18:00.001+08:00

omg the iphone's battery sucks!

Can I play with your Iphone?
No, battery low.

Expect more of this.

confession of a shopaholic

2009-03-24T17:30:00.003+08:00

23 March 2009

11:00am: Woke up to a sunny Monday morning. Gave my snoring bf a peck on the cheek and off to my workstation to attend to work. Mondays are supposed to be dreadful but this one seems to look pretty good. so far.

12:00am: My boy woke up and looking blurrer than ever. Not a good start for him it seems but I hope it gets better.

1:00pm: Boy went out to tapau food coz I was just too busy working. He came back half an hour later with two packs of chicken rice. that sweet fella.

4:00pm: Boy discovered ants in our drinking water. freaked out. I had 2 bottles of them since the night before and horrible visions of ants gnawing on my innards came to mind. Promised him that I will attend to this TODAY! (remember this post?)

4:30pm: Sent boy home and went to Sunway Pyramid to get the penguin. Told myself that this gotta take no more than 10 minutes. Walked in to Nesh, signed the order form and walked straight out. Damage: RM2188

5:00pm: On the way to the car park, there was some sort of crowd gathering near a store under renovation. Oh Maxis store it seems. Poor Maxis coz they had to set up their billing and sales counter outside the store and I don't think Pyramid's too happy with them holding up traffic. Oh well. Just pop by Jusco and see what offers they have since they are having their sales.

5:10pm: Walked out of Jusco and had to walk pass Maxis again. The crowd's crazier this time. Hmm what's happening? Oh the Iphone's launching today it seems! But ahh, the plan's too expensive anyway. Who in their sane mind would pay that much for it. I'll just wait for the new one come June, rumours or not.

6:30pm: Walked out of Maxis store with an Iphone. Damage: RM1510 + Advance Payment RM400 = RM1910

7:30pm: Went to Kev's place coz we're having dinner, yays! Caren came and we went to Hartamas' Daorae for some hot Korean cuisine (waiter included)

1:00am: Went to bed hoping that money will grow on trees and I have a full time job plucking them.

24 March 2009

11:00am: Woke up to a gloomy Tuesday. Oh I want to jump back to bed. But heck I still get this horrible feeling after spending that amount of money on so many things in a single day. Slutilla, you are just a hopeless shopaholic. No more spending from today onwards Dammit!!

3:00pm: My notebook died. Going to Low Yat later to buy a new one.

a-da-waht?

2009-03-21T02:27:00.003+08:00

Just a quick one.

Dell just launched their Adamo series of notebooks for the insane.

They cost RM9989

Are they out of their mind?

And they are just being polite by pricing it RM11 below RM10k, why? because if we display a 4-digit price it's more attractive mah, so more people will buy lor.

Seriously Dell, you guys made the cheap shit that is the inspiron (sorry folks if any of you are using that) and out of the blue you decide to go premium with this?

Yes it's pretty, but the Macbook's pretty too, at almost half the price with higher specs and runs on twin operating system. Sometimes I just wonder what goes on in the mind of these product strategy people.

I know the recession didn't have any effect on these ultra rich people but seriously its like paying RM80k for a proton saga with bodykit. It's essentially the same shit inside.

Mad.

Ok maybe I am just bitter because I can't convince myself to fork out that amount just to be different, you know.

hmmpth.

ask me again...and the love for penguins

2009-03-08T12:28:00.005+08:00

I wonder why so many people are asking me when my new car is coming.
Dont get me wrong, I am ok with that but some of them can't seem to remember they have asked me before so I get a little agitated repeating my answer.

the car will only be launched next week.
and depending on the queue and color availability, I may get my car end of this month.

hmm...i dont know why i'm not that excited.
perhaps its the thought of having to fork out money every month (Again) for it after spending 5 years clearing the loan of my current car.

anyway, i just realised my shopping list never clears.

gonna head to midvalley to look for a water filtration system for the kitchen.

i've got two options right now, they are:

Amway's e-spring, with blue LEDs it looks exactly like Wally's Evaaaa....

and Nesh' Qoozo, SO KIUTS!!

Please remind me again that I'm in my thirties and I shall not use words like KIUTTSS, god sometimes I feel like a young boy trapped in this old man's body.

Ok enuf rambling, gonna go MV now and get me a penguin!
(looks like i have decided lol)

The white one is so kiuttts!

clap clap

2009-02-21T15:00:00.003+08:00

I have this habit of clapping lately. Don't know how or where I got it from. I can suddenly clap and I wouldn't know what triggered it. Like just a few minutes ago I was working at my desk, then I stretched a little by extending my hands upwards and ended it with a clap before getting on with work again.

Either I'm morphing into some kinda weirdo or I have some kind of disorder. God like as if being gay is not abnormal enough in the eyes of the society, now you have a clapping faggot.

I need a break.

I'm trying to find time to blog about my working trip to SG last week as it was rather interesting, not in a good way anyway. but yeah...

4r7ubb8ish 0p9ost

2009-02-11T00:10:00.002+08:00

8i'm 8in s8inga0p9o4r3e n9o2w.

j7ust n9o2w 8i acc8id3entally 0p9o7u4r3ed 2wat3e4r 9on my k3eyb9oa4rd, and th8is 8is th3e 4r3es7ult. 8i hav3e t4r8i3ed th3e ha8i4rd4ry8i3e4r, n9o 7us3e, bl9o2w 8it, n9o 7us3e, shak3e 8it, n9o 7us3e. all my 3eff9o4rt 8in va8in, d9o3es th8is m3ean 8i can g3et th3e s0pank8ing n3e2w s9ony 0p s3e4r8i3e n9ot3eb9o9ok as a 4r3e0plac3em3ent?

yay!

g3e3e, thats th3e 9only 2w9o4rd 8i can ty0p3e 2w8ith9o7ut n3e3ed8ing t9o d3ec8i0ph3e4r 8it.

cakap politik, short one

2009-02-07T15:16:00.003+08:00

I used to support PR in its effort to eliminate BN from governing our country, simply because BN is what we usually call cakap tak serupa bikin (say one thing, do another). I think it is important for a party to know exactly what they want to do, as the mandate given to them by the public is one that is not only big, but has long term repercussions to the well being of the people.

So this latest Perak fiasco got me kinda worked up.

Anwar Ibrahim in his article (click here) thinks that it is a despicable act for the monarch to decide in favour of BN taking in reps from PR. In this other article (from his own blog, god what a hypocrite!) however he urged the government to prepare for his take over.

BN, talk cock.

PR, now also talk cock.

We are all doomed.

I think the country will run more efficiently without these monkeys seriously. They scream and shout about how they will make a difference in the country, but the only difference I see is that we wake up every morning to them bickering about who's in control like bloody kids playing in the sandbox, while we Malaysians work our ass off feeding ourselves, our family, our lifestyle, our future and fighting that stupid recession.

Commitment to the Rakyat? RuPaul must be a real woman!

iwantmynewcarlikenowdamnit!

2009-02-03T14:42:00.004+08:00

You can imagine how tough it is for companies to close deals nowadays, with so much economic uncertainty looming ahead. But no it seems to Honda, coz they do not have stock for my car.

Not even one.

All the way till April.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Oooo they are soooo forcing me to go for my second option which is, without a doubt, going to burn a bigger hole in my pocket.

Time to think and do more calculations.

Retirement

2009-01-31T12:16:00.002+08:00

I spend so much time in front of the calculator these days calculating how much I should increase my savings so that I have a comfortable retirement later. I read from an online article that day that by 55, I need to have at least RM3.6M if I want to maintain my lifestyle after retirement.

RM3.6M?

Either that article is meant for high flying individuals, or I have my sight set on a retirement that costs much less...

But either way, it is good to aim higher so I am going to go for it. I know it must be some work of a crack head to come out with figures as specific as that and automatically applies it to everyone, but I shall not question it. I think everybody needs some kind of shock therapy to get them moving.

here's a simple calculator for you guys to play around with:

http://moneycentral.msn.com/retire/planner.aspx

hardly a gamer

2009-01-30T06:10:00.003+08:00

I have never been that into console games anyway.
but guess what. time now is 6.10am and i have been a permanent fixture in front of my screen for the past 4 hours.

playing Grand Theft Auto 3.

As I walk back to my room I can see from the corner of my eyes flashing lights. Yes, I am so exhausted so forgive me if I don't make much sense here.

And today's agenda?

Test drive the newly launched peugeot 308 turbo. go to the company secretary's place to collect a document. pay bills at midvalley. send my proposal. make changes to client's site. and to end the night (hopefully still alive by then) to attend wingedman's CNY gathering.

Why??

Kev if you are reading this, how the hell do you get to Staunton Island??

Will death do us part?

2009-01-21T01:51:00.003+08:00

Baby, we've had it coming.

The hunt ends...

2009-01-20T11:10:00.005+08:00

After spending almost 5 months deciding on which car to get, I have finally made my decision. I started with Honda Civic 2.0 at the top of my list and within that 5 months countless models from crazy expensive ones to hardly suitable ones found a spot on that list.

Just for my record I'm going to list down some of the models on the list and why they were first considered and vice versa.

Honda Civic 2.0 (RM128K)
This has always been my first choice because I am such a hopeless Honda fan. I like their designs, irregardless of what other people think (you know who you are!) and I think they are bold, innovative and always trendsetting, unlike Toyota that are always playing by the rules (oh cmon, I like the new Altis but heck it is nowhere near a new model status). The 2.0 Civic uses a proven engine that delivers good power and is reliable and frugal. The car has also lots of features for the price like leather seats, HID lamps, 6CD changer with MP3 support (imagine loading 6 CDs full of MP3 in it!), cruise control etc. And the looks! The 2.0 looks fantastic on those low profile 17" wheels although I think it will be rather bumpy on uneven road.

Toyota Harrier 2.4 (RM184K)
I have always liked tall cars. I have this habit of driving into curbs and scratching (or at times breaking) my bumper. So the Harrier solves that problem entirely and it solves it with truckload of style and status. Fine, at 2.4 I cannot get my RM625 rebate but it's a Harrier! The ride is smooth and super quiet, and that is important to me. The only problem is the theft rate. At one time, insurance companies refuse to take up this model simply because they disappear within a year from registration date. A car that nice, I'd steal it too.

BMW 320i (RM193K pre-owned)
This one is totally pushing my budget of RM100k - RM200K. And it is only freaking pre-owned some more! But my bf likes this car. I like it too (who doesn't) but I doubt I want to spend THAT much for a second hand car. Buying second hand means you have to factor in the possible repair cost for the wear and tear. And in terms of performance, the 2.0 litre engine is considered the weakest component of the car. BMW fans will only consider the silky smooth 6 cylinder engine or get a totally different make altogether.

Mazda RX8 (RM160K)
I told my bf that I want this car because I want to drive a sports car before I am too old. I mean if I get one at 50 or so, people will label me as some chap going through mid life crisis. Not that I care but if I want to drive something sporty I believe now is a good time. But that car is nowhere near practical. How about my trip to IKEA? How the hell will it take a table or anything in? God not even a coffee table lor! But this car flies lah. I like fast cars.

Mazda 6 2.5 (RM174K)
Pretty all rounded. Good price for what you get. Gorgeous. But wingedman drives this and it's weird to drive the same car. Don't ask me why ! lol

Toyota Camry (RM171K)
A bit uncle, but still very stylish. I can't say that Toyota is a reliable brand but today but I have a thing for the Camry since its launch a year ago. You see it on the road all the time and I guess that is a testament to the desirability of the car (minus those who buys any toyota blindly).

The final decision?

Honda Civic and here's why:

1) I drive my car everywhere. Sometimes to places like Sungai Buloh or even industrial areas where driving a "nice" can be rather dangerous.

2) I drive my car everyday. And mileage is of utmost importance! This is still the most economical car on that list.

3) I'm such a cheapskate. I still want that RM625 petrol rebate.

4) I want a fast car. And the Civic is super speedy for the price.

5) I'm a recessionista. And therefore buying a car that is cheap to run, cheap to maintain and still gives me the thrill on the road.

AND

6) I'm a car person. And that means I may change my car every 5 years. If I go too high this round that kind of takes away the fun and excitement of slowly upgrading your car.

Like it hot?

2009-01-17T23:17:00.003+08:00

I'm rushing out for supper with Jon. I can write and write about how hot this is but I leave it to you guys to enjoy it.

Like. O. M. G. So Hot.

Permanent Residence

My ears were bleeding profusely at that version of Truly Madly Deeply. Can die I tell you.

And boys before you start fantasising of a relationship like that please it is just a movie.

Drama. by Slutilla

2009-01-17T22:46:00.004+08:00

I had a good chat with my dad a while ago. While I cannot possibly imagine that I hated this man so much just a little over a year ago, now I am finally beginning to understand a bigger fragment of what life is all about. I have not forgiven him, that's for sure, but I no longer hate him.

I have learnt many things from that conversation with him. I have learnt that as a son, I have idolised both my parents especially my dad as he was the sole breadwinner of the family and has given us a comfortable life and education. It is from that idolisation that I created this unreasonable expectation of him as a person. I thought he was perfect. So when we were finally face to face with his imperfection that we went berserk because we couldn't deal with it. How can a perfect person like him, be, like that?

But that was a year back.

Today, I see things differently. He is my father, but he is also an imperfect human being. I realise that with that much hate and expectation I have of him, life was actually much harder for me than him. Then I wondered, why so? Perhaps the key to happiness indeed lies in our own ability to govern and let go the many intangible needs we have. Only through the release of these demands will we then recognise some degree of happiness.

Sigh. What's becoming of Slutilla. Thank God I named the blog Drama, at least nobody can bitch with me when I rant incessantly about my life :)

Don't worry, I'm done with my ranting. This will be the last, for this month perhaps :)

Birdshit I say!

2009-01-17T03:31:00.004+08:00

Little bird oh little bird
Why are you always by my side?
You perch by the window sill
Singing a song of love and betrayal

Come feed on the seeds on the palm of my hand
For you have been truly the eyes for a blind man like me
The blind man who sees with his heart never with his eyes

But little bird, some words are better left unsaid.
But little bird, some doubts are better left unattended.

Happiness is key, the wise bird says
And I cringe at such contradiction
Trust is fragile, the wise bird sings on
And I nod in total agreement
But love knows no boundary, the little bird curses
And I say, sing on lil' bird brain

How dare you, for I am the wise little bird that has sung for you endlessly
How ungrateful you are!

But dear bird,
Your melodies come with a price,
And an equal dose of hearthache,
And you say happiness is what you preached?
Birdshit I say!

And that day, the little bird left
And a new day awaits...

and it boils...

2009-01-14T15:36:00.003+08:00

I'm in such a foul mood right now.
Feel like smashing someone's face.

Just when I thought that 2009 started off wonderfully, something must just happen to make me think otherwise.

I only need to do one thing now.
Remain composed, and handle the problem like an adult should.

I will give you plankton

2009-01-13T12:52:00.003+08:00

A friend posted this on Facebook and it almost killed me.

the omg moment of the year

2008-12-27T02:05:00.002+08:00

I cannot imagine anything worst than what happened this afternoon.
I take it as the "perfect" end for 2008.

And dear Wingedman if you were wondering why i was omg-ing on my sms, here's the story.

I met up with my supplier to pass him some work stuff so he could work on it over the weekend and get back to me next week. We met up at McD coz that's the best place to have discussion, they have free wifi and you can sit there for hours and not order anything at all (yes, if you just utter the word cheapskate I'll spare you, yes I am). I sat there waiting for him for about 20 minutes (that ass) and he showed up. We got down to work immediately.

We signed some documents, discussed some work requirements and the conversation went on like this:

Supplier: So we need to deliver this by XX right?
Me: Yes, this customer's a fussy one.
Supplier: Did you bring the files?
Me: Yup, it's in my pen drive you have your notebook with you?
Supplier: Yea

While he's accessing the files on his notebook, I continued talking about some of the requirements.

Supplier: Slutilla, which file should I choose yeah?
Me: I have four files in there, take all lah.
Supplier: You have quite a number of files here.
Me: Oh yeah ka? let me see.

I took the notebook over.

Euroboy Pizza Delivery
Coat Japan - mega Panic 7
Japan Pictures - Business Z Men
Bronco Studios Hot Men
Boku No Sexual Harrassment

Text message to wingedman:

OMG I WANT TO DIE. LIKE RIGHT NOW.

That moment my world crumbled. I actually wanted to die.
I needed to whip up an instant story to get myself out of this shit

Me: Oh shit, what's all these files??
Supplier: ......
Me: I can't believe my guy (referring to my staff) did not delete his shit from this pen drive. what the heck man!
Supplier: ......it's ok. maybe you can copy the work files and put it on my desktop.

You may think that that was a very (VERY) lame attempt but I can assure you that one can never cook up anything better in less than a millisecond.

He was obviously not convinced and because i am the client, he has no choice but to keep quiet and continue working on the files.

I was in that moment trying to convince myself he didn't see anything. But that freaking thing was on thumbnail mode and it wasn't pretty. But you know, maybe he really didnt see anything? or maybe he's stupid enough to think they were straight porn?

Me: Ok files copied. sorry about those rubbish.
Supplier: It's ok la. everybody watches porn. just that those are not my kind hahaha.

My last thin strand of hope snapped just like that.

Left McD with a face red like a CNY tanglung a few weeks too soon.
called the boyfriend and he had a good laugh.
omg-ed all the way back in the car.

end note: I had deleted the files from the pen drive earlier. For some strange reason they showed up on his computer. Since he's an IT guy perhaps he installed something that showed previously deleted files or something, I don't know and I obviously couldn't ask why they showed up coz that means I'm admitting to it.

So the moral of the story here for me is; to buy a freaking pen drive just for work!

And here's slutilla bidding farewell to a 2008 that I wish I could forget or pretend never existed.

End ya? please...

2008-12-20T15:06:00.002+08:00

my boyfriend is making me listen to Enya and I'm dying right now.
Words cannot describe how much I DISLIKE enya.
They should play Enya in public toilets to help ease constipation.

A sense of humour

2008-12-16T17:31:00.002+08:00

If you've been following, I've been having problems with my health since 3 months back and it ain't getting better. Yesterday I was in the hospital for a specialist appointment to get a second opinion on my condition.

Smart looking doctor, very friendly and most importantly, with a sense of humour so warped you wonder if he's really a doctor or just a janitor dressed up as one!

Doctor: Is this your first time here? (looking at my hospital registration card)
Slutilla: Yes
Doctor: So yes, how can I help you?
Slutilla: - story telling time, spare you the details -
Doctor: Hmm I see, how old are you slutilla?
Slutilla: 3* doctor.
Doctor: Are you married?
Slutilla: Nope doctor. Still single *smiles*
Doctor: (looks at me intently) Do you know what is the difference between a whore and a wife?
Slutilla: Er...I'm sorry?
Doctor: I ask, do you know what is the difference between a whore and a wife?
Slutilla: Err, I don't know.....
Doctor: You only pay once for the whore! *laughs*
Slutilla: ..... (omg get me outta here...)

water of life

2008-12-12T19:30:00.002+08:00

The toilet bowl looks a little dirty. Oh well, maybe I should just give it a scrub then.

Not that hard, really. Just use the toilet brush and shove it in the hole a few times and you'll get a gleaming shit bowl. But remember boys and girls, don't shove too hard coz the water may just splash at you. I shoved too hard.

Now I want to die.

The I remembered I just peed before that.

Now I really want to die.

DIY Golden Showers.

Badly shaken

2008-12-02T10:16:00.003+08:00

I dreamt that one of my friend died last night. He was stabbed to death in a fight after a small commotion broke out following a car accident.

It was so vivid. Do I tell that person?

SW, I hope this isn't happening.

CIMB Standing Instructions

2008-11-22T11:17:00.002+08:00

I'm so glad that they have this feature for their online banking. Basically what it does is that it will perform a certain transaction, defined entirely by you, continuously over a period of time at a certain duration.

I use this for my savings. It's almost like godsent especially for a person who has no bearing when it comes to spending.

So every month now, I set a certain amount from my main account to go directly into my savings account. And the good news is, my saving account has no card facilities, so I can never access it everytime i feel there is a need to use "unusable" money lol.

But it can get depressing lor.

Log in, check balance, wahhh fuck who stole my money!!? Then only realised it went to the other account. And feel poorer after that. sigh.

But that is the ONLY way to save for me.

Previously, I do manual transfer, and trust me, sometimes I'll go "aiyah for this month want to buy phone la, so maybe can transfer less right?" and it goes downhill from there.

So, thank you CIMB for this feature. It may just save me my retirement.

another gay movie.

2008-11-21T13:50:00.003+08:00

It was 2am and I couldn't sleep. Thanks to that "accidental" nap in the afternoon that "accidentally" lasted for more than 4 hours. I was so wide awake and I didn't want to subject myself to that pile of work on my desk. I gave myself the permission to procrastinate. So I did. By watching another gay movie. No, not another, but Another Gay Movie.

I love movies. And I must say that before I watch a movie I will in some ways judge it by the cast, the director and at times the poster even. But Another Gay Movie was just so in tune with my life, that I forgave them for the almost pathetic act. It was like some high school experimental short films, only that this one is a full 2 hour long. Imagine the pain.

Thank god it was all good with some semi nude scenes and pretty hot guys. Lots of asses, and I mean LOTS OF ASSES in there and some pretty hot sex scenes. They were trying so hard to stuff every aspect of a gay man's life in there that half way through it felt more like watching a documentary on gay life than a gay-themed movie. Of course with some colourful characters like that absolute queen and the bisexual father made it all worth the time.

Not going to say much, but every gay guy should spend two hours to watch this movie. It won't change your life no way, neither will it make you laugh like an ass the whole time, but you will just find it hard to turn it off because you don't get a movie elsewhere that will talk about so many things that relates to you in so many ways.

horoscope

2008-11-19T12:00:00.003+08:00

"You will be busier than usual today. Some money will change hands"

That's my horror-scope for today. After years of casually reading that column, this could just be true.

Apple is finally here!

2008-11-12T12:02:00.003+08:00

I'm so glad that Apple is finally making its official appearance here in Malaysia. It could be the start of a long term involvement that will bring Malaysia plenty of Apple goodies and official support we have been lacked of so far.

And together with Maxis' announcement of ongoing talks with Apple, the introduction of the Online Store means that we MAY see the new Iphone 3G coming to our shore in the very near future :) I have many reasons to believe why the Iphones will never come but I'm just going to shelf it for now and be a little optimistic!

http://www.apple.com/my/

The Diary of an Aging Queen

2008-11-01T10:56:00.011+08:00

I was this close to changing the name of my blog to the above. But thought that, God willing, I will have ample time ahead to do so. For now, I'd rather be in denial :)

Anyway.

Went to Victoria music station at Sungai Wang with bf today. May be one of the many times my bf was reminded that i'm really not that young anymore. Why? because I was looking for Coco Lee's first album released in 1994. Its nothing to me at first because I'm just buying an album with a song that I once liked, so it is pretty natural right? But the more I think about it, how I used to laugh at my dad for buying Cliff Richard CDs and still remember I ran into my room to hide when he played it.

Why? Coz it was soooooo 60s.

Listening back to Coco in my car, and singing along to some of the songs, I can imagine the same thought running through the bf's mind.

OMG, soooooo 90s!

Yes, aging is inevitable. And it is coming my way.

Sigh.

Anyway, I had a few tracks in mind that I wanted to find. The boy at victoria was helpful by asking me the name, but you know me lah I cant read chinese characters, and I wasnt ready to hum the tune to him. So he passed me the compilation from 94 - 08, perfect I thought. I tried it and found 3 of 4 songs I was looking for!

The boy came back to me and asked if I found all the tracks I was looking for, I said most of them. So he made me point them out to him and I did, and he was just amused saying that they were never hits. I wanted to tell him that unless you're gay, you must have never heard of the movie Bishonen, right?

Young Daniel Woo, in his underwear. A straight man who started his career earning pink dollars, then abandoning us now that he's a star. Your money is tainted young man! But he's hot, and that's a fact.

And yes, I totally love that song from the movie. So sad man. Oh well.

My quest isn't over though. I still have one more song to look for, and I have absolutely no idea how to look for it because I only know the first few lines of the song.

English translation ok.

This beach, is filled with deep and shallow memories,
Every step tells a story about you and me,
....

that's all.
This is getting more and more impossible now.

kids.

2008-10-27T21:40:00.002+08:00

I just can't stand kids.

Stop screaming. Stop running around. Please!

If there's a reason why I dislike hanging around my parent's place it must be due to the kids.
For some reasons, perhaps the fact that my parents don't have any grandchildren, the house will always be swarmed with these uncontrollable vermins - running, touching, pulling, poking EVERYTHING in sight.

"Boy, watch out that's a power socket!!"
"Don't touch that dog!"
"You cannot run too near to the pond!!"
"Ming, come out from the kennel RIGHT NOW!"
"You touch that, cousin sis will grill you on that barbecue pit, you want to be eaten ar??"
"Stop jumping on the sofa, you want to fall and break your head ar??!"
"There's a ghost that eat eyeballs in that room, you go in lah..."

That brings me to the main issue of kids.

Will I ever have one myself?

The answer is a huge "I DON'T KNOW"
Perhaps it should be "Do I want one?"

People say that taking care of kids belonging to others is a very different experience altogether from having your own. I don't know how true that is, but if a kid is a well behaving one, I think I am capable of liking and/or loving one. I'm not cold hearted ok! It's just that I can't stand the things they do.

I have seen some good kids before. Intelligent, playful but not the retarded type, listens to instruction, deserving of love. Kids will always be kids, and I don't expect them to behave like adults. But they should behave. I know education/upbringing plays an important role, but I can safely say that some kids, despite lack of a good role model, are still capable of being good kids.

So there, another entry that serves as a reminder to whether should I get a kid of my own. If I have a kid say 5 to 10 years down the road, reading this will either make me smile in glee of how naive my perception was to parenthood, or kill myself for not reading this first.

We'll see.

may spammers die a slow death

2008-10-23T11:30:00.003+08:00

I'm just so so so so SOOOO SICK of people sending me email telling me they have a truckload of money to SHARE with me. VERY KIND of you but please at least write a more intelligent email some just screams SPAM from start till end.

Before that, THANK YOU Dr. Bakri whereever you are from. I appreciate your kind offer but please extend this invitation to another more gullible internet citizen.

Here goes:

FROM: Dr. Bakari Bashir
Petroleum and Pipeline Marketing Board.
(PPMB/NNPC Liaison Office)
#9 Aldermaston Road, Basingstoke,
Hampshire, RG24 9RH, United Kingdom.
TEL: (+44) 8709749016/8709749013/8709749417.
FAX: (+44) 8700688925/8700686956.

Date: October 23, 2008.

Sir,
I am using this most secure and confidential medium available to me to seek your cooperation in this project that would be of immense mutual benefit. Even as we do not know each other before now, we both know that trust is earned though it is not given out lightly. Also, we both know that almost all international transactions are done on trust.

If you think that email is the MOST SECURE and CONFIDENTIAL medium available, you are not worthy to be in possession of USD31.5 billion. Seriously. International transactions are done on trust, only in that tiny and pathetic world you are living in.

I am Dr. Bakari Bashir, the Director, Petroleum and Pipeline marketing Board (PPMB). We are the international sales and distribution unit of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC), Hence our office is located here in London,(scroll down to check their london office address) as we liaise with the London International Petroleum Exchange.

I have US$31.5M (Thirty-one Million, and Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars), which resulted from allocation and sales of excess crude oil to foreign buyers.
The proceeds were not entered in the financial statement of the Petroleum and Pipeline marketing Board as regularly submitted to the Government. This money is safely floating in our (PPMB) account with the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN).

Wow, free money floating in the bank account of a limited company. I thought it should be better stored in an alternative account. But oh, up to you Dr. Bakri!

Recently due to allegations of corruption in the Nigerian Oil sector, the Government set up a panel to look into the past activities of all the companies and subsidiaries in the oil sector – though it’s a normal thing when new Governments come in.
This is what prompted me to contact you. I have to move this US$31.5M out of the PPMB account as urgently as possible.

Send it to me BABY!!

Unfortunately, I cannot just withdraw or make the money disappear without giving proper account of it.

aWWW!!

So the idea is to have a foreign partner whom the money will be paid out to, in the form of payment for a contract he or she (you) did for the PPMB on behalf of the Petroleum Ministry/Government of Nigeria.
Your gender, occupation or line of business does not matter at all.

I'm a ladyboy from Bangkok khop-khun-khaappp

I am therefore seeking your consent to position you to have this money released directly to you by the Central Bank of Nigeria, in the form of a payment for a contract service you did for the PPMB. I would secure backdated documents that would mean and prove that you actually did a contract for the Nigerian Government, for which this contract payment (US$31.5Million) is due.
Remember, I am the director of the PPMB. My position guarantees absolute success in this transaction.

me love directors long time!!

So with the documents, I would hire an Attorney who would file the documents with the Central Bank of Nigeria for immediate release of the US$31.5Million to you.

I will allow you to keep 25% of the total amount as your compensation/share.
The remaining 75% shall be for me, though I would still need you to help me make good investments in your country.

Call, fax or e-mail immediately to furnish me with your full names and address, your occupation or company's name, your private telephone and fax numbers for easy communication.

Our london branch khappp!

Also send me the name page of your international passport or any other form of identification of your good self. The above information would be used to make formal applications as a matter of procedure for the release of the money to you as the bona-fide beneficiary.
And I have to use the information to raise the necessary backdated documents that would be needed to process the US$31.5M as a contract payout.

I assure you that the transaction will be concluded in 10 working days. There is no risk whatsoever involved. Be assured that as the PPMB director: I am on top of the situation all the time and there will be no risk. The claim would be fronted by an Attorney, and executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you and me from any breach of the law.

Lastly, I plead that absolute honesty, sincerity, confidentiality, reliability and trust should be our watchword throughout this transaction considering my official position here. Treat as strictly confidential for obvious reasons as you know I am still in service.

I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation as I look forward to a healthy business relationship with you now and in future.

Warm regards,

Dr. Bakari Bashir.
Mobile: (+44) 7031854790/7031854784/7031854781
Email: drbb57@voila.fr

You must be wondering why I'm wasting my time with this.
I don't know either haaahaha.

Good day to all, sunny Thursday this is. But as usual 2 hours from now it will pour again.

Can't blog anymore, Datin Wingedman is bugging me to death on Gmail chat (yes you, you bitch!)

K

Sashimi diet

2008-10-22T14:39:00.002+08:00

I'm on a sashimi diet right now I'm telling you, looking at how often I visit my favourite Japanese restaurant, Sushi Zanmai.

Sushi Zanmai owners, if you are reading this I'm still waiting for my membership card damn it! I demand bulk order discounts!

update: just got back from Zanmai. Had 3pcs salmon sashimi, 5pcs hotate and a tempura moriawase. At the rate I'm going, I think getting treatment in a slimming centre is much cheaper.

Strange recollection

2008-10-22T14:22:00.003+08:00

Here I am sitting in front of the computer on a sunny Wednesday afternoon, working my ass off. Unfortunately being an entrepreneur does not mean that you sit behind a desk signing papers and ordering your staffs to work and have a personal tea lady (in my case boy) catering to your every need.

Anyway, that's not the point.

I was thinking about some sales strategy I read the other day, and out of nowhere I recalled something my dad told me some years back. My dad was in sales, and he was pretty good then, earning some sales title/awards during his time. He shared with me once that the sales world is one of the roughest and toughest environment I can be in, stating a few of his experiences.

One caught my attention.

He was meeting this client one day, a man his age who wanted to buy the products my dad was selling. The usual sales talk went by but there was a twist at the end. He was being very "friendly" with my dad in ways my dad cannot possibly accept or understand. He'd touch my dad's shoulder during conversations and there were lots of bodily contact. As the meeting took place at his house, he even once suggested that my dad remove some of his clothes so that he can be more comfortable. You know, make yourself at home? Of course that friendly gesture didn't go down well with my dad who eventually packed his stuff and left, met my mom, affirmed his sexuality and got me :)

Must be difficult for a straight man to share this with his son. But I thought to myself, if I were to be in his shoes, and am desperate for this sale, single and flaming gay, and the guy is to die for, how would I have responded to his "friendly" invitation?

Hmmm...

K

sleep on it

2008-10-18T16:35:00.002+08:00

I had six chicken wings.
2.30am.

Well at least I know I'm not alone in my journey to obesity.

Just put the damn diamond on it!

2008-10-17T04:22:00.003+08:00

Penguins marching in unison,
Doves trained to fly in slow motion,
Safety gears equipped elephants,
White lions with diamond studded tiaras.

It's amazing what you get combining an over imaginative gay boy and a flaming fag hag over a supposedly "normal" dinner.

Needless to say, I was thoroughly entertained!

The slut is sick

2008-10-15T22:44:00.004+08:00

I wonder why I am always sick nowadays.
Maybe I'm too fat and lazy.
Maybe I work too much.
I don't know really.

But what I can be sure of is this,
My mind is not making this up.

I get all these strange symptoms and I can't just convince myself that I am ok.
Why do I feel so ill sometimes?

I'm worried definitely as this has been going on for like 2 months or so.
And the sad thing is even the doctor couldn't find anything wrong with me.
And when the doctor concludes that you are ok, no one around you will believe that you are sick.

They think you are making this up.

Seriously, who in the right mind would make up things like this??

"Slutilla, you think too much lah! Don't worry la you'll be fine one..."

If there's anything wrong with me, I want to spot it first before it's too late.

"Aiyoh, nothing serious one lah, why so drama wan!"

Well, I hope you are right.
If you think I am paranoid then do note that I don't feel like this at all in the past. When there are no symptoms, I am convinced I am ok. But now symptoms are staring straight at my face, so you can't expect me to go "aiyahh, nothing one lahh".

Well enough of this. Some test results will be out soon. We'll see then.

3.04am - so don't expect any excitement

2008-10-14T03:03:00.003+08:00

Gosh, reading back the past few entries about the last election clearly show how long I have been away.

Well, I wasn't exactly away. But you know, the usuals. Busy at work? Nothing to blog about? Bathing my goldfish?

The list never ends.

But enough of that. Let's do some quick updates, in point form. At this hour, I'm just too freaking lazy to type in proper sentences and my grammar is just too all over the place anyway. So here goes:

WORK

1) Frankly, I have no idea why I started my own business. Perhaps that entrepreneur in me was just dying to burst out from my 9 to 5 cubicle. Or perhaps I just like effing my life up. To sum it up, I have been busy.

2) Found myself establishing a new business 2 months ago. Sure it was fun initially but now I dread waking up in the morning with tonnes of emails to either reply, delegate or sort. And this stream of emails keep coming until 3am, and whenever that happens, I just stop and stare into blank space, hating the fact that I allowed myself to get to this stage, voluntarily.

3) You'd be surprised to know that although things get super busy, revenue seems to be taking a slow plunge. You know what the PM said about the Malaysian economy being strong, even in this period? I beg to differ.

LOVE

1) I fell in love 5.5 years ago. And today, I still love the same person every bit as much as the first day, if not more. It's an achievement for us both, and we're proud of it.

FRIENDS

1) I think I am not spending enough time with my friends. But I just don't know how sometimes. I mean have you ever been through a period of time where you realise you REALLY cannot have more than what you have? In this case, time?

FAMILY

1) Seriously, I'm thankful I have no drama to blog about. When it comes to family, the more boring the better. I have no time to attend to my own emotional needs and I'm really glad I don't have to attend to theirs. So, this is all good.

HEALTH

1) Countless health problems, don't even want to elaborate on it. Spent a fortune on my medical bill and at 31 years of age, I finally got myself a health insurance.

MONEY

1) is never enough.

MATERIALS

1) Getting all stressed up on which car I should get next. I know this is silly, but I'm very much a car person and because of that I take this whole buy-a-new-car thing very seriously.

2) I can't get Maxis to explain to me the workings of a Blackberry device. Come on Maxis, you can't possibly sell a piece of technology without knowing the ins and outs of it?

GYMMING

1) Stinks as bad as the underwear that fell from your neighbour's balcony above.

TRAVEL

1) Just HK, JKT this year. Hopefully can still cover BKK by end of the year but at the rate these Thais are protesting, unlikely.

POLITICS

1) God I can go on and on about this. But one word sums it all: DISGUSTING.

2) Our country is run by morons. Some lacked basic common sense or perhaps they just feel that Malaysians are a stupid lot and will take any crap thrown at them. The country is running on autopilot while all these politicians struggle to stay in power.

Ok, 3.43am. Time to head to bed.

note: I tried to read the whole entry again before I click on publish and I almost fell asleep! Slutilla, can you get more boring than that?? But heck this is what months of inactivity can do to a person.

undi-lah #8

2008-03-05T12:26:00.002+08:00

They call me pro-government, I say I'm not
They call me pro-opposition, I say I'm not

I just believe in what I see around me
Than what people want me to see.

deadline

2008-03-05T12:25:00.001+08:00

Little wonder why they call it that.
You're likely dead when you reach there, that's why.

undi-lah #7

2008-03-04T20:39:00.001+08:00

No indelible ink now?
Now that's desperation at its best.

undi-lah #6

2008-03-04T20:36:00.000+08:00

Ijok's a big Joke.

undi-lah #5

2008-03-04T20:34:00.001+08:00

Carol Chee (BN Seputeh) looks like she'll want to sell you AMWAY products and sign you up on an MLM plan.

undi-lah #4

2008-03-04T20:31:00.002+08:00

Samy Vellu is still trying to resurrect the dead cat on his head
Good luck, Uncle.

undi-lah #3

2008-03-04T20:29:00.002+08:00

Our PM made a promise to fight corruption last election,
I wonder if we are better now?
Oh, Malaysians are just a forgetful lot.

undi-lah #2

2008-03-04T20:27:00.001+08:00

I've never seen so many men in the wet market, usually dominated by aunties, shaking hands with people there.
I guess it's a 5 year thing.

undi-lah #1

2008-03-04T20:25:00.001+08:00

politicians are animals.
if they take the time to sit down and reflect, I'm sure they'll agree.

Fair? Fucking-air. Yes, that's F-air.

2008-03-04T20:16:00.003+08:00

I was watching the TV just a while ago, thought I could do with a break after a long day at work:

- image of a man on his hospital bed -
- image of his wife next to him -

Oh dear, I wonder what is wrong with this uncle....

* mellow and all depressing tunes in the background *

Mr. So and so, was hospitalised for so and so long, LUCKILY, Dato Seri Ong Ka...*click*...

MTV

Motivation

2008-02-19T19:45:00.002+08:00

This has crossed my mind countless times, and today I found this.

Break time:

Spicy Chicken McDeluxe x 1
Fries Medium x 1
Chicken McNuggets x 6
Coke (Light, thank god) x 1

Current weight: 80kg

Target weight: 74kg

Without a doubt, I need more than just a freaking poster.

Thank you CNY.

I need 9 lives

2007-11-28T02:37:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Jon, I wasted half a can of 100 Plus because of this.

This is for Ryonn too, and if the last one didn't kill you, this one will.

It cannot get more rojak than this

2007-11-19T02:27:00.001+08:00

I have not blogged for quite some time, due to an absolutely insane workload. And because of that, I've got tonnes of entries still in draft mode. So I guess the best way to manage that is to create a rojak post like this and get it done and over with.

So here goes....

Sweeter than cupcakes

Jon you sweet little thing. Just wanna say a big thank you for abusing your company's precious resources to print this really cool label for my Ipod Touch. It was absolutely necessary, knowing well how I like to mark my territory over my properties. Yes, like a dog indeed.

A conman, but a man he is not

After that short little write-up to remember my Sipu, and how I mark my territory like a dog, here's another dog related entry. I was at Sunway Pyramid just the other day to celebrate dad's birthday, and after dinner we decided to visit the IT centre coz sis wanted to get a pen drive. So we walked up to this store and saw this:

Apparently this fellow invited a bunch of loansharks to visit one of the stores at the IT centre, claiming its his. He claimed that business was bad and he needed cash to sustain the operation of the store. He further advised the loansharks that to ensure the staffs are not shaken by this financial issue, he wish to keep this matter under wrap.

Smart loansharks gave that guy a five figure loan and he disappeared after that. Smart loansharks approached the store to claim money and store owner told them that they do not know of this person. The person is now a dog, and the smart loansharks? not so smart afterall.

RM5 to enter The Garden's toilet is cheap...

if the only available alternative is this...

Yes folks, that's the state of the toilets in the old Mid Valley "Megamall". And if you take a closer look at that brown thing in the water, yes that's shit.

Some things the gays do it better

You cannot disagree with that, really. Just like that day when I was in a shopping mood, and I saw this gorgeous bag by Jonathan Cheng.

Isn't it beautiful? I bought it in a heartbeat, seriously. So no, I didn't buy it because Jonathan Cheng's hot (and gay!) but simply because I have been looking for something like that for the longest time. But if Jonathan's reading this, you need to know that those staffs at Isetan@The Garden were simply incompetent. This goes to the indian lady at your counter. You wanna know more? Ask me out for a drink :)

Stardust-ing

A big thank you to Colin for getting us free tickets for Stardust's premier. I have not read the book, and I don't think I ever will, unless they have less than 100 words per page and lots of pictures. I can smell some bitchy lines coming but please save it, I'll just show you my hand.

Uh-huh, not guilty!

I went for Chicago, the musical. I was and still is the biggest fan of the movie and I went there with the highest expectation, although I shouldn't have. I commend them for creating an entire musical experience on such a tiny stage, although they could have improved on the use of props. Choreography was excellent but unfortunately the whole musical was brought down my a mediocre orchestra. Don't get me wrong they were technically good but it was just too soft. The moment they started on All That Jazz I knew that it'd be a problem.

Oh, and both Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart, I don't know what to say lor really. Maybe they shouldn't have set the standard so high in the movie with Catherine and Renee.

Fallen Leaves @ Actor's Studio

I went for this play at the Actor's Studio just yesterday and I thought the performance was commendable. It was an effort by a group of people with HIV and it was about the challenges of people living with HIV as well as the society's perception towards the disease.

I'm personally quite freaked out by the disease, and I hope to get myself tested by the end of the year. I hope everything turns out ok because as much as I am not afraid of dying, I am not ready to die yet.

Ok too much drama already haha.

Snow White wannabe

I just took this a little while ago, while waiting for the elevator at my condo. I was so busy packing and everything that I didn't realise I was in all white!

Ok fine, I mean what the hell is slutilla talking about? Who cares about what he wears. But I just thought it looked funny to be in pure white, my snow white moment.

It's Monday. I am so NOT looking forward to this week. Don't ask why coz I'll end up boring you with my work stuffs.

The only good thing is I get to go for Body Jam, and meet those crazy bunch of people for dinner again.

Time to hit the bed. Have a good week ahead people!

God I miss you so much

2007-11-19T02:07:00.000+08:00

I miss you my boy. Today, more than ever.

Very disturbing

2007-11-13T14:48:00.000+08:00

I have not posted anything for the longest time, I swear I have been so busy it ain't funny.

Someone sent me this. one word.

Disturbing.

The Power of Two

2007-10-31T13:23:00.001+08:00

OMG, I have been listening to The Power of Two by Indigo Girls for so long but never discovered this live version!

Seriously folks, I'm not trying to change my blog into some lyrics website but this song carries a meaning that I find hard to express sometimes. It's about falling in love, and sacrifices and livelong commitment. I get all emo with this song whenever I sing along to it. Yes, blog's name is Drama by Slutilla so give me a break with the lecture ok? :)

THE POWER OF TWO by Indigo Girls

Now the parking lot is empty
Everyones gone someplace
I pick you up and in the trunk Ive packed
A cooler and a 2-day suitcase
Cause theres a place we like to drive
Way out in the country
Five miles out of the city limit were singing
And your hands upon my knee

So were okay
Were fine
Baby Im here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
Im stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
Well look at them together then well take them apart
Adding up the total of a love thats true
Multiply life by the power of two

You know the things that I am afraid of
Im not afraid to tell
And if we ever leave a legacy
Its that we loved each other well
Cause Ive seen the shadows of so many people
Trying on the treasures of youth
But a road that fancy and fast
Ends in a fatal crash
And Im glad we got off
To tell you the truth

Cause were okay
Were fine
Baby Im here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
Im stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
Well look at them together then well take them apart
Adding up the total of a love thats true
Multiply life by the power of two

All the shiny little trinkets of temptation
(make new friends)
Something new instead of something old
(but keep the old)
All you gotta do is scratch beneath the surface
(but remember what is gold)
And its fools gold
(what is gold)
Fools gold
(what is gold)
Fools gold

Now were talking about a difficult thing
And your eyes are getting wet
I took us for better and I took us for worse
Dont you ever forget it
Now the steel bars between me and a promise
Suddenly bend with ease
The closer Im bound in love to you
The closer I am to free

So were okay
Were fine
Baby Im here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
Im stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
Well look at them together then well take them apart
Adding up the total of a love thats true
Multiply life by the power of two

Life's little challenges

2007-10-30T00:32:00.000+08:00

I'm quite upset today.

So many things intrudes my mind right now, I can't seem to put them in the right place. I guess knowing too many things can sometimes be a curse.

Since my break-up about a month ago, life has been pretty ok for me because I was able to rationalise a lot of things. I can sit down and understand why things happened, and with that knowledge, I could tell myself to move on to greener pasture and have a positive outlook in life from now on.

Recent events however made me think too much.

I don't mind thinking, but thinking about a certain source of problem made my blood boil. I hate it when I see something beautiful being destroyed, whether it is a person, a relationship, a friendship or whatever. And when it is being destroyed by ONE source, I can't help but to absolutely HATE that source.

Hatred is pain, that's what I tell myself. And therefore I shall not hate, but to forgive. However hard it is, I will do it.

I will now clear my head from all these unnecessary trouble that does not deserve the attention it gets in my head. I will just appreciate the good things that are around me.

If I had to believe in something I'd choose to believe in HAPPINESS, as selfish that may sound.

OK, some readers must be totally puzzled what the fuck I'm writing here. It doesn't matter really, I just want a channel to release all the tension that is building up within, and the blog is the only way I can do it without physically hurting anyone.

Comments are disabled for this post to ensure the drama stops right here.

My grandmother

2007-10-29T12:25:00.000+08:00

Grandma got admitted to hospital.
She's about 90 years old.

When I am face to face with my blog and a promise of transparency, I've never thought that it would be so difficult to express how I feel. But I'm totally consumed with fear that I may lose my grandmother, although at that age, the possibility inches even closer to that no matter how deep I'm buried in denial.

I have never been that close to my grams, at least not as close as my sis. But she has always been that amazing woman with a logical mind and a flair in fashion even at that age. At 90 she could point out pretty dresses from designers without once commenting on how modern people should "cover more skin" or "design more conservatively". We love her for all that, and my heart sinks everytime I think about it.

I was in the hospital with her alone yesterday. She seemed fine, chatted with me about my work, asked if I've got a girlfriend (oh god), and the greatest surprise of all was she remembered my ex.

She said:

"Is that boy, the one that used to stay with you, still helping you out with work?"

I was speechless, perhaps I wasn't expecting that from her since she's all forgetful lately.

I said:

"Oh yeah, he's ok. still helping me"

Clean, minimalist answer :) Then I quickly steered the conversation to what they served her for breakfast this morning. That lightning fast switch must have given her the answer she was looking for.

Oh well.

Half way through our conversation I really wanted to cry. I think she realised that too. I don't really know why. I guess I just miss her a lot, and the more I talk to her the more I try to remember her voice, her presence, before the cruelty that is life takes that away from me. I wanted to record a video but thought that was a bit too the drama .....

I hope to drop by to visit her later before I head to the gym for jam. Perhaps bring her some magazines to read or something.

Till then people, get back to work! :)

La Bodega opening at Pavilion

2007-10-26T13:01:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Dennis, I got myself invited to La Bodega's opening last night at Pavilion. Actually I should thank someone by the name of Godfrey, if not mistaken, but for some reasons he was not able to be there last night.

I had such a good time!

The location is wonderful, right at the corner beside True Fitness. Gives that very al-fresco feeling to it. I don't mind hanging out there as I've always loved their big breakfast. Expensive, but super yummy.

As for our night, when the alcohol kicked in, everybody was all over the place. Cam-whoring like mad, even teased the poor girl serving us food. Her name's Twinkle if I remember it correctly, and for some freak coincidence that she reads my blog, girl you're the best! (coz she serves us more often than others that's why :))

There were many pictures taken, but it's all in Colin's phone and I hope he'll send them to me :) Thanks Colin, love your rose rose i love you shirt :)

After the whole La Bodega thing we were hungry still, and headed to Green Lotus. I got a feeling that we were pretty noisy in there but didn't care much about it because we were high. I think on an ordinary day if I was in the restaurant having a decent dinner and a bunch of drunkard came in, I'd be annoyed. Talk about reversing roles and hypocrisy.

We ordered some food, no, quite a lot of food, and stuffed outself silly. Darryl threw up, not sure if he had that much alcohol or perhaps he took them with an empty stomach? But at least he's ok after that.

Wish I could talk more, especially about Eugene (and his prized possesions..hee) but I'm afraid he'll say that I tease him too much :) So I spare you this round ok?

I'll update with some pics when I get them.

Oh what a lovely gift!

2007-10-24T04:13:00.000+08:00

Mom and dad got this as a present from a friend.

Knitted with so much love, yet possibly the ugliest thing you can ever find on the face of the earth.

DHL - Glenmarie

2007-10-23T15:30:00.000+08:00

Posting from DHL @ HICOM, Glenmarie:

I am stucked here trying to collect a shipment from my client in SG. Thanks to my old-man memory now I have to do double the work. The DHL guy came to my doorstep yesterday and I was not there to receive the item. I feel bad in some ways, poor delivery chap came knocking twice and no one's home.

You know what, I suspect DHL is run by gays. Delivery guys, SUPER HOT here.

Argh! blogging from Ipod is killing me. Gotta go, stuff is ready.

Straight from the heart

2007-10-22T02:24:00.000+08:00

Many years back I used to lock myself in my room, and have a mini performance in it. I'd imagine myself on stage, singing to an imaginary audience. I'd perform my favourite numbers, usually jazz stuffs so don't expect any britney and her pole action ok?

Today, after many years. I did it again. I've picked two of my favourite songs, turned off the lights and let my imagination flow. They brought back so much fond memories I will treasure and remember for the rest of my life.

Kissing a Fool - Michael Buble

You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death
And from my heart
Strange that you were strong enough
To even make a start
You'll never find
Peace of mind
Till you listen to your heart

People
You can never change the way they feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will
If you let them steal your heart from you
People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through

Fooled me with the tears in your eyes
Covered me with kisses and lies
So bye-e-e-e
But please don't take my heart

You are far
I'm never gonna be your star
I'll pick up the pieces
And mend my heart
Strange that I was wrong enough
To think you'd love me too
You must have been kissin' a fool
I said you must have been a-kissin' a fool

But remember this
Every other kiss
That you'll ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man
One you really can surrender with
I will wait for you
Like I always do
There's something there
That can't compare
With any other

You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death and from my heart
Strange that I was wrong enough
To think you'd love me too
You must have been kissin' a fool
You must have been kissin' a fool
You must have been kissin' a fool

Quando, Quando, Quando - Michael Buble & Nelly Furtado

Tell me when will you be mine
Tell me quando quando quando
We can share a love divine
Please don't make me wait again

When will you say yes to me
Tell me quando quando quando
You mean happiness to me
Oh my love please tell me when

Every moments a day
Every day seems a lifetime
Let me show you the way
To a joy beyond compare

I can't wait a moment more
Tell me quando quando quando
Say its me that you adore
And then darling tell me when

Every moments a day
Every day seems a lifetime
Let me show you the way
To a joy beyond compare

I can't wait a moment more
Tell me quando quando quando
Say its me that you adore
And then darling tell me when

Whoa lover tell me when
Oh darling tell me when
Oh come on tell me when
Yea tell me when

Here's to a great host

2007-10-20T12:16:00.000+08:00

Had a wonderful Friday night!

Thanks Eugene for playing host, and Francis as the indispensable housemate.

But thanks to them also that I might just get RM2k poorer. WHy?

This.

And people sometimes wonder why Nintendo came up with a console that is far back in terms of specs compared to the PS3. I guess that's because gaming is all about fun. And the Wii has got a truckload of it! I cannot be sure who's leading the gaming industry now but Nintendo is here to stay with the Wii. I can spend hours playing tennis on it, but the game that really tickled me was Rayman Raving Rabbids. Oh. God. So the cute those rabbids! I'm gonna buy one if they are available in the stores. Yes I'm a 30 year old male and I buy soft toy so sue me :>

Game aside, Eugene and Dennis cooked us a nice pasta meal, together with lots of salad. That was a good departure from the usual maggi goreng telur mata that could be the real cause why I still have excess on my tummy. I wish I had pictures to show. The food. Not the tummy...sheesh! :)

After dinner and gaming, we watched a horror movie called 1408. The built up of the story was really good, got us all freaked out at first. But the director failed to sustain fear and it went downhill from there. Everything got a little lame at the end. Wasted. But that was actually the first time I watched a movie in a house with all lights switched off and the surround sound was doing all sort of tricks on me. Thank God Francis decided to move to my side, at least there's human on both side.

I can be a chicken sometimes lol. Well at least I'm honest about it :)

Ok need to be heading to the Curve now for Ken's class. I have so much work to do but everything seems to take precedence over it. Time to sit down and set my priorities right again. But I'll do that after Body Jam :)

Why me?

2007-10-20T11:57:00.000+08:00

Caller: Hello. My name is ABC calling from XYZ company. We sell orchids.
Me: Oh I think you've got the wrong number
Caller: No sir. We sell orchids. This is Aisha Traders?
Me: No, this is a design company
Caller: Yes. We sell orchids and many other flowers. We provide flowers to many asian countries.
Me: May I know your name again?
Caller: My name is Beno sir. From XYZ company in India. Can I have your name and contact sir?
Me: Beno, you've got the wrong number. We are a design company and we are not interested in flowers. Thanks for your time.
Caller: no no sir. We have a wide variety of flowers. Kind sir if you provide your email, we can send a proposal to you!
me: We are a design company, and you sell flowers. What proposal are you going to send me?
Caller: For flowers. We send to many asian countries.
me: -hangs up-

This has happened FARRRRR too many times. I am so sick of this, and it won't be long before I disconnect this number.